I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

You just never know

Things I never thought I would find myself doing for my children:

1. Spending $80 on make-up, including fake eyelashes and fire-engine red lipstick, for my seven year old daughter. (In my defence, it's for her ballet concert. Still, it kinda makes me want to puke.)

2. Playing Mums-versus-Kids Aussie Rules football and enjoying it so much I briefly found myself wondering it there is such thing as a special league for fat women who cannot run very far.

3. Sewing a dress, from a pattern...and having it come out looking like an actual dress, which both my girls have enjoyed wearing. Not only that, I found myself liking it enough to try it again (yes, photos and a full post-mortem to be posted soon.)

4. Explaining what a blog is, and then having to wrestle the camera away from them as they say, "But Mum! You can post this picture on your blog!"

5. Tolerating their constant threatening to give me a box of used band aids for my birthday. Of all things kid-esque which gross me out (including kids throwing up as I'm a sympathy spewer, dirty toenails, smooth peanut butter and the gagging smell of sweat in DD's gymnastics club) - dirty bandaids are the single most disgusting thing in the entire world. Literally, they give me a gag reflex. My hatred of bandaids (all of them, even clean ones, really gross me out...have you ever smelled them? That plasticky cheap band-aid smell? Ugghhh) has only recently become apparent to my kids, and they LOVE to torture me with this. Ever since DS's banged knee required endless amounts of bandaids which he loved to pick off and leave around the place (including one which The Neighbour's Wife found IN HER MAILBOX!) I am surrounded by the damn things. Please, please make it stop!

...so, tell me. What things do you do for your kids which you never thought you would have to? (and let's try to stay light hearted, shall we?)


Laura said...

Wipe their butt.

It sounds obvious, but I had just never thought about it. Yuck.

the baker's wife said...

Oh I'm up for this, what with a newborn and a 20 month old and all....

-hold, pat and rock them until they sleep. And then do it all again when they wake up realising they've got a dirty bum. At 8pm, 2am and 5am. Don't they know I was once a powerful woman who commanded large, fiery kitchen brigades and caused men to go cry in the alley? Honestly, rock and pat. Yet here I am. And I don't begrudge a second, for my own selfish reasons. A newborn is just too yummy to put down.

-eat plain food. Since having my babies, my once varied, erratic and exotic diet has collapsed to cheese and ham toasties, weetbix and well cooked meat. Nothing fermented, fatty or feral. They will never know the sacrifices. I used to enrich creamed spinach with foie gras and dip dripping, bloody rare steak into it, and eat it at midnight...

-collect their boogers. My 20 month old has discovered his nose and contents and will often hand me a small dot of detritius which I dutifully hold and examine, before he declares 'booger, booger,' much to my utter annoyance. He always catches me out, handing me the product before declaring it's origin. Crafty little blighter.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

These are hilarious...I'm with you on the butt wiping one, Laura. To be fair, I figured that one would be coming, though... kinda goes with the territory of potty training, right?

Sach, I think the 'rock and pat' bit of it falls into the category of stuff we said we'd never do BEFORE we had kds, because once we had kids, we realised we would do ANYTHING for a quiet life!! :)