Did'ja Miss Me? The Big emzee Update

emzee on...

Detox: It was always intended to be a 2 week thing, which would then lead to some other hocus-pocus bullshit crazy naturopathic thing to follow. I did the 2 weeks (rather brilliantly, I might add). I went back to said naturopath and I hated every minute of it. Not so much because of the snake oil ideas of naturopathic health and wealth, more because we just didn't have great rapport. I'm still committed to exploring this idea further, just not with him. Mr Naturopath Man, YOU SUCKED.

Quinoa: I bought a bag (400g at $5.49! Eeek!) from the local Middle Eastern bakery. First night, I overcooked it slightly and so it was a bit gluggy but...delicious. Seriously. I cooked it in some chicken stock (I know, I know, chicken is technically not allowed) but it was so great the kids asked if we could have it the next night. The next night I undercooked it a bit and used onion soup rather than chicken stock. Not as much of a hit with the under-7's crowd. Still, delicious and well worth buying more of and experimenting more with. Does anyone know if quinoa is allowed for Passover?

Passover: It starts in 2 days, which means no bread for me, for 8 days. I'm thinking this is a good thing, as I've been OD'ing on bread products like nobody's business. Then again, girlness is coming my way and that's a sure bring-on-the-carbs time of the month. Carb addicted women like myself use this holiday as one big excuse to be bitchy. Not that I actually NEED an excuse, ya know?

Dirty Weekends: I didn't blog about it, but as a surprise to DH I kidnapped him and we spent 22 hours celebrating the 12th anniversary of our first date. We indulged in a 5 star city hotel, meals at nice restaurants (hello, Rockpool!) and other appropriate debauchery. Yes, we're that cheesy. Yes, we had sex without anyone banging on the door incesstantly, yelling, "Eeewwww...stop KISSing. It's GROSS!" or anyone asking us why we were not wearing pyjamas on such a cold night. We even managed to not giggle (much) as Whitney Houston warbled on about how much she will aaaallllllwwwwaaaaayyyysss love yooooooooooooo in the background. Oh, and there was an incident with a hanger and a scalding hot bath and rose petals in a bellybutton and a drunken DH. You don't want to hear about all that, do you?

Exercise: Bollywood dancing this week was great fun but not as much of an aerobic workout. Seems the location closer to me is a haven for geriatrics. I brought DD2 along and even without her, Jewel and I lowered the average age in there by 20 years. Clearly I live in the less young and hip suburb - but that's okay because I am neither young nor hip. Gym attendance was at a high, but is now made harder by the kids being on Autumn vacation.

School Holidays: Which is what they call it here when your kids are home for 2 weeks driving you mental. I adore my kids, I really do. I also adore fobbing them off on underpaid and unappreciated teachers for 7 hours a day. Holiday? Ummm, yeah. For who exactly? The trio have been especially tired these past few weeks so I deliberately made no plans for them other than the odd play date or short outing. This would be working rather well, except that they seem to be enjoying slopping around in pyjamas until 3pm and refusing to go anywhere...until 3:05pm where they start complaining that they never get to go anywhere and it's all so BORING. Thanks god for $6-for-6 weekly video rentals!

Snoopy Come Home: One of the videos we rented this week. I watched most of it (talk about mind-numbingly boring. OMG) and then used the excuse of cooking dinner to leave. Five minutes later I hear a chorus of deep, heart-wrenching sobbing coming from the living room. I go in there to find my three kids literally crying their eyes out...because Snoopy decided to return to his original owner, some little shit named Lila (who btw is in the hospital for 3 weeks, but let me tell ya, she looks pretty freakin' healthy). Firstly, who the fuck KNEW he had an owner other than Charlie Brown and secondly, talk about giving kids a separation anxiety complex! Of course the little two-timing Benedict Arnold goes running right back to ol' Charles a few minutes later. Yeah, thanks for the emotional train wreck, Mr Schulz.

Sex & The City: I've never seen a single episode of this show...because let's see....it involves single, skinny, rich, successful, sex-addicted chicks who are (as my friend The Neighbour's Wife would say) uber-cool. I may be one of two of those things, but I'm not enough of those things to justify watching it. At the same time, I'm bloody grateful that I am in the minority, as the tickets to the Première (a fund raiser I'm organising for the kiddos' school) are flying out the door faster than I can get them printed.
(In Melbourne? Wanna come? Email me - emzeegee[at]hotmail[dot]com)

Money Tree: I haven't got one. I need one. Anyone?!

Sexist Undies: I went to get the kids some new undies today...and the girl ones are all covered in slogans which say things like "Girls Rule" and "Boys are Gross." I'm wondering why the pairs I found for my son didn't say things like "Girls are Over-Emotional" and "Girls Stink" and "Boys Kick Girls' Asses" Yes, it's true. I've discovered blatant sexism in the undies aisle at Big W. I've also discovered Elmo pajamas in a size 18. Now THAT's sexy! (not).

Facebook: I considered it a major achievement to have more than 8 friends, until I looked at my eight and found out that some of them have well over 100. Seriously, who the fuck knows that many people? Or am I just a big loser?

This Blog: Gets me in trouble more than I realise...and in the oddest ways. I got a text message today (Hi Sheets!) which said, "How's the detox/kids/cakes/bhangra going?" Who knew?!

I may be a bit absent from here in the next few days - what with Passover coming and kids being at home. In the meantime, amuse yourselves.