I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Daddy's Girl

Pretty much from the moment she was born, DD1 has had a very special relationship with her Dad. Of all my kids, she is the one LEAST like him in personality - she's impulsive, she's emotional, she's high energy and high spirits and she has no OFF button. She loves and hates with equal amounts of fervour - there is nothing better than being on the receiving end of one of her bone crushing hugs (and by bone crushing, I mean almost literally.) There is nothing worse than having to deal with her being in one of her emotional down swings, when nothing seems to help and your heart breaks for this little girl who cannot express her distress very well.

DH, on the other hand, is quiet, emotionally reserved (except about those he loves), very even-keeled and enjoys a pretty stable temperament. It's interesting, then, that they have the relationship they do - one of equal needing. She needs him MUCH more than she needs me - because he has the patience and the physical and emotional strength that she requires. He needs her - because he loves being needed, being helpful, and being the gentle giant that she (and I) have come to rely on. As a baby, she hated being far away from him. As a toddler, she would cry if I came to her aid, but smile and coo if he did. As a young child, she still looks to him in time of need and in time of excitement. It's all about her and her Dad, and how much they love each other.

Over the years people have noticed their closeness (it's hard not to) and will ask me if it "bothers" me that they are so close. It's a question that I've never really been able to answer. Who in their right mind would be 'bothered' by a daughter loving her father? However, at various times in her growing up, I will admit I've felt a bit hurt by their relationship. What mother likes to feel as though she is second best? I hated that she didn't run to me as quickly as she ran to him. And yet, as she (and I, by virtue of parenting her) have grown up, I've actually come to be grateful for their relationship, and very much in support of it. I know that as long as he is around, she will always have a safe haven. Her siblings are, in their own way, quite needy, too. I often feel as though their demands on me stretch me too thin - so it's a relief, really, to be able to 'let go' of one child's needs, content in the knowledge that she is being looked after so well.

None of this is to say that she and I don't love and adore each other - of course we do, and I love her in equal measure as the other two. She and I laugh and love and live together with as much fierce affection as ever. It just means that she and her Dad have a connection which goes deeper than that of daughter and father. In some ways I truly believe that they are old souls brought together again in this lifetime.

For reasons I can't explain, I've actually been thinking a lot about their relationship lately. In recent months she has started to grow and mature on a number of different levels - academically, emotionally, socially. She's had a few developmental hiccups along the way, which DH and I have had to work especially hard to help her with - and just recently it seems like a lot of those are quitening down a bit. All of our kids seem to be finding their own voices, and that's something that I'm experiencing with bittersweet melancholy. The baby who used to hold out her arms and go "mama!" is now holding out her arms and saying, "Mum, you are SOOOOO embarassing!"

The BEST part about DD1 and DH's relationship? No matter how much she grows up, she will always, always be his little girl....and there is nothing in this world more precious than that.

1 comment:

DH said...

Amen to that!