I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Resolution, Shmesolution

I've not bothered to even THINK about resolutions this year...mostly because I think they are really just another holiday invention sponsored by the makers of Zoloft. What better way to feel like shit than to make a goal, then break it, then feel like hell about it? Sure! Let's all get together and make up a bunch of crap about stuff we kinda feel we should do but have no real intention of doing. What a great idea!


I'm taking DH's approach to all this. A couple of days ago I asked him if he had any New Year's Resolutions. He thought about it for a second or two and then said, "Yeah. I do." and then didn't say another word about it. Those who know me in real life will know just how freakin' annoying this answer was...because like a Jewish mother, I need to know everything. I need to talk it to death and I need all the details, right NOW.

I let him get away with it (although my tongue was bleeding because I bit down on it so hard), and right then I decided that I wasn't going to have any real resolutions. Instead I am going to come up with a bunch which are really easy to achieve, and then I can spend the entire year feeling clever and smug and i-am-so-special-it's-scary. I am going to be the first person in known history to keep every single one of their resolutions.

Without further ado, here are my not-quite-resolutions for the year:

  1. Never agree to making another pig cake. Or really any barnyard animal.
  2. Order my own birthday cake.
  3. Bake some cupcakes.
  4. Decorate some cakes.
  5. Continue to celebrate ice cream o'clock without a skerrick of guilt, but possibly try something other than cookies and cream once in a while.
That's it. Pretty good, right? Your turn, people...come up with a really ridiculous resolution which you have a 100% chance of actually achieving. Go on then - make me proud.


Sheri said...

new years resolutions.....
1. forget to go to the gym
2. spend too much money on junk I don't need
3.watch tv when I should be house cleaning/ making dinner/ going to the gym
4. make ridiculous amounts of panna cotta, creme brulee, chocolate mousse, mandarin jelly, chestnut patissier at work

hey, I feel better already!

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

Bwahahah, Sheri, I love it! You definitely have the right idea there. I'm right there with you on No 1 and No 3...and I'd probably be with you on No 4...except that I'd have to change that to "make AND EAT ridiculous amounts of..."

Waaayyyy more fun than those resolutions which require you to be responsible and all!


Kristin said...

I've never commented on your blog before, but this is a great idea. So in 2009, I resolve to:

1. Buy at least one pair of impractical shoes that I totally don't need on impulse.

2. Move the exercise machine to the basement where it can gather dust without me tripping over it constantly.

3. Waste time on facebook instead of doing something productive whenever I can.

4. Eat more chocolate.

I could go on, but don't want to get too ambitious. Besides, I need to go get up and get some chocolate now.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...


You totally win bonus points for getting chocolate eating in there...and then going off to achieve your goal! Yay you! It's not even the second week in January and already you can cross one off your list! WTG! :)

...and exercise machines are also really good for hanging clothes off of, especially if you're flinging them around the room in a reckless fashion.

I, personally, highly recommend doing most things in a reckless fashion.


Dani said...


1. Replace the old floor in my laundry room with wall-to-wall dirty towels.

2. Pay bills past due to help bail out the world's financial institutions--one late fee and service charge at a time.

3. Protect the ant and mouse population by leaving plenty of crumbs around.

4. Decorate my home office with cool white towers of paperwork, shiny chocolate wrappers and a few very special, hand-selected Hot Wheels.

:) That felt good. Thank you.

mrd said...

I already accomplished mine!

1. Get my cleaning lady to come back after an eight month hiatus. DONE!

Boy do I feel good.

Carol Anne said...

Oooo, this is fun! What a great idea!

I resolve to lose my patience and yell at my kids

I resolve to (at least 2x this year) wait so long to fold clean laundry that the clean laundry merges with the dirty laundry and all gets washed again.

I resolve to go through the drive through at least 6 times because I am too lazy to figure out whats for lunch/dinner (did one of these just today!)

I resolve to lay in bed all day with the heating pad and a good book during the first day of at least 3 periods (and NOT feel guilty about it - this will be hard).

Finally I resolve to get annoyed with my my mother, my mother in law and my dh at least twice this year (bonus points if I get annoyed at all three for the same infraction!)

maryellen said...

I resolve to:

1. Start a weight loss program, lose 20 lbs., get cocky, and fall off the wagon.

2. Order take out too often.

3. Not keep my house as tidy as I'd like.

4. Not go to bed at a reasonable hour.

5. Over extend myself.

6. Spend money I shouldn't spend on something I don't need, but convince myself I do.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

You guys are hilarious and inspiring me to perhaps expand my list... I especially love the resolution to ignore laundry and be annoyed by various family members! Ahhh, there is so much to love about under-achievement!

Kim said...

Love it! Problem is... This anti-resolution, resolution, is something that I've become much too familiar with over the past few years. This year, I'm trying to uphold the classical resolution approach. Make one. Keep it. However, I made one, but I've decided that it's a work in progress. It started with, "No refined sugar for all of '09." Then I gave myself the weekends off. Now it's one week on, then one week off:) So this blog has inspired me. My highly achievable resolution is:
-Eat what sounds tasty.

Achievable? Heck yes! Oh, and another needed resolution:
-Watch more movies.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...


No sugar? Seriously? That's not a resolution, that's a punishment!! :)


Robyn C said...

OK, here's mine:

1. Stay up too late reading in bed and having ice-cream o'clock (vanilla with choc topping and nuts, my fave, yuuuummmmmm)
2. Get impatient with my daughter/husband/mother, and keep my mouth shut so I don't upset anybody (therefore giving myself a migraine from unreleased tension).
3. Let my ironing basket pile-up, but stick it BEHIND the laundry basket so I don't have 2 c it.
4. Do too much volunteer work at daughter's school, getting stressed and vowing to give up at the end of the year.
5. Eat really healthy all day, and then after dinner collapse in a heap of exhaustion and get stuck into ice-cream, chips, white chocolate, whatever I can get my hands on.

Well I've kept to my resolutions so far, number 4 I'll get to in a few months!

Robyn C