I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Ooh! Shiney! Look!

For a while now I've been at a big of a loss for what to blog about. Life is just bounding along, and I've got my good days and my bad days. I'm finding it hard to do a lot of things these days, and blogging just seems to be one of those which requires more emotional energy than I've got at present. I briefly considered writing about my latest tattoo (before remembering I haven't got one) and then I considered dabbling in a bit of poetry, (before remembering I am no good at it.) Eventually I turned to my facebook friends for inspiration...

So.

Once I knew triplets were coming (or really, any human child at all), I knew my life would never be the same. My body wouldn't be the same (still lumpy, just in different places), my brain wouldn't function at quite as high a level (hellloooo...sieve brain!), and every frock I owned would be of the sensible variety. Privacy would go out the window, a 'night out' might entail McDonald's an a new Scooby Doo video, and life as we know it would be turned entirely upside down - not to mention any monetary compensation for my human suffering would not be forthcoming. What I didn't anticipate was how important it would be to learn the skill of diverting attention (theirs or anyone else's).

Being already able to think on my feet has been pretty advantageous when it comes to the distraction skill. So when the kids ask things like, "Mum, can I use the blender to make a fish milk shake? I think the dog will really love it!" I just use my lateral thinking skills and I divert their attention to say, "You want to give the dog a treat? Grab the cheese grater, then grab the block from the shelf above your head. Cheese is Teddy's favourite treat!" You would be amazed at how easy it is to distract your children from using electrical appliances. Hand them something shiny and sharp instead. Works every time!

I wish the skill of diversionary tactic worked on the other parents at school pick up time. Then those BWA (that's bitches, witches, and alcoholics to you) wouldn't notice so much that these days, I'm a bit of a mess. I seem to always be showing up at school with grotty clothes, messy hair and looking like I ran head first into a big purple knob, complete with dark eye circles. If my mother could see me, she'd have a few choice words to say about how I look at the moment. I'm dressing to match my mood, and believe me that's just not all that sunny and clean and happy. So I'm hoping the school parents are willing to forgive me until I get my act together. (and FYI I'm trying out a new gym tomorrow, one which is a little antidisestablishment [they believe in exercise *and* have normal sized clientele], so here's hoping those endorphins kick in and all will be looking up soon.)

In the meantime, though, it's back to distracting the kids...so when the kids hear me scream, "OH GOD! OH YES!" through the door of our bedroom, then ask me what the heck all the noise was about, I can hide my grin and say, "It's okay, kids...Your Dad, he's not the messiah, he just a very naughty boy!"

___
...and for those wondering about the words and phrases in italic, all of those were suggested by my friends enemies on facebook.

6 comments:

Jen Jen in Jakarta, Indonesia said...

Love It!
Love It!
Love It!
Love It!
Love It!
Love It!
Love It!
Love It!
Love It!

You are a very very clever lady!

I snorted my wine all over the screen and keyboard!

Chelley said...

GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!

I am impressed!!!

Danielle said...

You. Are. A. Legend.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

Thanks everyone, it definitely used up most of my brain capacity to come up with this one. Fish milk shakes, indeed!

M

M.Biddle said...

:-D

seomaster said...

great!