Stop The Music

The children's school was given a grant which enables them to give free music lessons to all children, starting from Grade 3. Four days ago, my kids began Grade Three, and as of this evening, I am living in my own personal version of musical hell.

They got to choose from four torture instruments - cello, violin, flute and clarinet. This evening we had to go and listen to a sample of each of those instruments, and then the kids got to list their preferred devices of torture. We also got told that they have to practice up to 15 minutes a day, and that they will only really progress if parents sit in front of their child and listen while they play. They then further dug my grave by telling me that they would be emailing a list of musical tasks which had to be done 5 nights a week.

Oh. My. God.

I hate music. Seriously. I enjoy listening to the radio, and I even enjoy the odd concert (my first date with DH was in fact at the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra)... but on the whole, I'm not into music. I've only ever bought 2 or 3 CD's - in my entire life. I don't own an iPod (or any i-anything, for that matter). As a child I played piano for exactly long enough that even my poor mother had to concede defeat. I've gone to a few concerts - but mostly I go for the experience more than the actual music. I don't download anything illegally or otherwise, I don't look at YouTube all that much, I've never seen more than one episode of anything ending in "Idol" or "Talent"...I'm just a total music pleb. Add to this the fact that I banned all noisy toys from my house from the very minute my kids were born. Literally if we were given a toy which sang, played a tune, squeaked, whistled, squawked or hummed, the damn thing was out of here faster than you can say, "I hate those freakin' noisy toys!" Either that or I would deliberately take out the batteries and/or purposely break the part of the toy which made noise.

...and yet now, my kids are 8 and I still can't get rid of the damn noisy toys. Heck, this time they're compulsory - and shiny - and require me to sign a release form.

Oh, crap. I think when you sit at the "Introduction to Music" night, and whisper to The Neighbour's Wife, "Can't watching an hour of VH1 count as music education?" you're bound to have two things happen:

1) The music teacher will hate you forever more, and
2) You'll have some good blog fodder.

Now, someone pass me some ear plugs.