Things I have in common with Jesus:
1. I'm Jewish.
2. I was born on December 25th.
3. I've been to Israel.
4. I quite like wearing Birkenstocks, even in cold weather.
5. I don't get my hair cut quite as often as I should.
6. I've got a mate named Mary who is a mother.
7. I've slept in a barn. On hay.
8. I know at least 3 wise men.
9. I don't mind a bit of sugar and spice and frankinsense and myrrh.
10. I enjoy wearing clothes which do not require ironing.
I've always wanted to celebrate Christmas. I love all those beautiful decorations, and the whole 'matchy matchy every year a new colour scheme' thing, and the handmade decorations kids make out of macaroni and string, and the carolling, and all the other commercialised shiny crap which comes along with modern Christmas. In short, many times in my life I really, really wanted to be able to buy trees and tinsel and baubles. Hell, I even love the WORD 'baubles.' I love how it kind of rolls off the tongue like that: bbbaawwwwbbbuuuhhlllssss. I love ALL the cheesy fibre optic, moving, singing, bell ringing, hip swaying, tinny-voiced decorations. If I was a Christmas celebrator, oh hell yes I'd have the fake snow. Even in Australia, where Christmas is a summer holiday. I would have CANS AND CANS AND CANS of that fake snow crap.
And can you imagine me with the lights?? I'd totally have one of those houses people drive by to see and need to wear sunglasses in order to not be blinded.
This week, I got my chance. The shop needs a Christmas display (one small table's worth), and I need to go and get a bunch of gorgeously Christmasssy stuff to put on the display. I wandered into ONE store today, just to gather some info on what the options were and what I might need to spend and what colour scheme I might like to go with.
OH. HOLY. NIGHT.
There is literally TONS of stuff out there for the taking. TONS. And I love it all and I want it all and the business can actually afford it...(not) all, but most of it.
The 2 metre fibre optic reindeer whose head moves from side to side.
The Santa figurine who sways his hips and rings his bell. He comes in 3 sizes!
The colour changing light box thingie which shows different Xmas themed images.
The bells. OHHHHHH the bells.
Did I mention the baubles? There are a LOT of baubles out there. Lots.
Tiny baubles the size of marbles.
Basketball sized baubles (seriously. Who knew??)
Stockings. Even stockings for DOGS.
A really really big inflatable snow globe which actually blows fake snow around.
(that's the one I liked the best. It blows snow around. FOR REAL.)
I'm pretty certain that when Biz Guy and I went through all the financials and budgets and projections and cash flows, there was no line item for "giant inflatable snow globe." (But I might double check that, just to be sure.)
Of course he *tried* to be all Biz Guy about it and ask me what the ROI was for all this crapola I wanted to buy, but I kindly ignored him. This is one of those rare times when Biz Guy can take his logical, practical advice and shove it right where Santa does not dare to go. I was fully prepared to blow a sleigh load of money in that store today and feel not one skerrick of either Jewish or Catholic guilt about it.
BAUBLES. There were *thousands* of baubles.
I walked out of there with a bottle of water and a small bag of chocolate covered banana lollies...and not even one string of tinsel.
Not even the cute little Santa figurine which bobbed back and forth if you pushed it over with your finger.
Not even the itty bitty cutest baubles in the entire WORLD which were stripey. In different coloured stripes.
Not even the - SO DAMN CUTE I WILL DIE RIGHT NOW IF I DO NOT BUY IT - sparkly little table top Christmas tree which changed colours and SANG SONGS and other cool stuff.
I know, right? I wait 35 years to be let loose in the Christmas aisle...and I totally choke. Not sure what happened there, but at a guess I just got totally overwhelmed by sparkly glittery awesomeness, and my brain could not handle the adorable overload.
The Christmas display needs to be done this week. I've got 3 days to get this stuff sorted out.
Maybe I need to go the Jesus route and find me some disciples to help out.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Things I have in common with Jesus: