I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Groundhog Day

So you know there is this place somewhere in New York, where on a certain day a groundhog comes out of a hole. If he sees his shadow, it's going to be a long winter. If he doesn't, it's going to be a short one. (Or something like that. Go Google it if you really care that much.)

Anyway I've devised my own way of knowing if it's going to be a long, hot Australian summer or a long, not-so-hot Australian summer. Truth be told, I love the summer here. Long days, short nights, endless trips to the pool, BBQ dinner every night, my beloved desk fan...there is a lot going for summer. Perhaps the only bad thing is that my innate bitchiness factor goes up exponentially once the mercury reaches anything above about 25C (about 80F). Heat and I, we just don't get along. Mostly it's the whole fat thing - when it gets too hot, even the most fashionable of fat chicks looks terrible. Doesn't matter if you're wearing Prada and MAC lip gloss, your thighs are chafing and you're feeling sweat run down between your big boobies.
Fat People + Heat = Yeeuucchhh. Nothing like seeing a guy's moobs (man boobs) dripping sweat off the nipples. Oh the imagery! It's not at all pretty. (Although when I was thinner I didn't really cope with the heat, either...and I still had the sweaty chest issue. )

I digress. So - like the groundhog, I have my own method of determining the heat-ness of an impending summer. I like to call it the Slurpee Quantitative Factor (or SQF, not to be confused with SPF, which is a whole 'nother summer thing.) The theory behind this is simple, to whit:

1. I love Slurpees.
2. I only drink them when it's a) stinking hot or b) I'm feeling bitchy, which means it's stinking hot.
3. If it is hot enough before summer actually starts (official first day of summer in the Northern Hemisphere is December 1st) to warrant my drinking a Slurpee, then the SQF factor begins to be calculated.
4. Count up the number of Slurpees I drink prior to summer starting, and this gives you your SQF, which follows this table:

Where Number of Slurpees = Type of Summer
1 = Very Mild
2 = Mild
3 = Middling
4 = Only Just Bearable
5 = Man, It's Getting Hot In Here
6 = Fark, it's HOT!
7+ = Please, God, take me now. Hell would surely be cooler.

As I send DH off to 7-11 for Slurpee #6, and it's only November 18th, we're in for a very, very long summer which is very, very, very blood hot. This in turn means you are all in for a very, very long summer which is full of very, very bitchy and complaining posts about the heat.

You can't say I didn't warn you.

....and for what it's worth, the Kiwi Lime flavour at my local 7-11 totally ROCKS.

1 comment:

frances said...

Mmmmm, Slurpees! In Kiwi Lime, though -- really?!?

Did you know it's National Blog Posting Month (really, it's INTERnational)? Anyway, that means there are a lot of memes going around the NaBloPoMo crowd...so I must tag you for the latest, greatest, most palatable meme. :-D