I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Help! I Need Somebody!

Many changes are afoot in my life - along with the house clean up, I'm also changing the way I do things at work. Spending more time on the things which need my attention and less on the everyday work - in the hopes that this empire can finally grow just that wee bit more. To that end I placed a job ad out there to find some new employees.

Well, the result thus far (and it's only been 3 days) has been very entertaining. Happily for me there have been a number of really strong applicants. On the entertainment front, there have been a lot (greater than 30) applications which just make me scratch my head. I should say that I would love to hire someone who is new to Australia, someone who just needs a chance at a job. So I can cope if they don't have a lot of local experience. Heck, I myself was in that position when I first came here. What I'm struggling with, though, is the applications which are totally irrelevant to my position.

So, for example:
- The guy currently studying to be a pilot
- The girl with no experience and no interest in the industry (as stated in her cover letter)
- The guy who is an accountant
- The guy whose application has a heading which says "non relevant work experience" right under his contact information
- The several people who submitted an application with no cover letter or resume attached
- The ones who live in Queensland (several states away)
- The girl who said she doesn't have a car but assures me she can carry cakes to the bus stop
- The girl who told me she "has experienced in backed cakes and maffins"

...and so on and so forth. I'm reading through every application and replying because I think it's polite to do so, but I'm annoyed at how the applicant is not being polite enough to READ through the original job ad! *sigh*

Anyway this gentleman's resume was most entertaining, so I thought I would share some of it with you. These are a selection of the items listed in "Areas of Expertise."

  • Experience working in a team environment, Excellent time management skills, Honest and reliable, OHS knowledge, Ability to work under pressure, Knife skills, Manu creation, HACCP
  • Professional work ethic and able to meet dietary requirements for diet.
  • Work in busy environment at Commercial and No commercial Places including School and Air Port
  • Work nonstop to achieve task, never said No to Extra work to comes from guest
  • Costing of Standard Menu Item Individually with almost no west of inputs. Clear vision on Minimum per Level of Kitchen supplies. I have selected supplier for best Fresh Ingredients at low cost.
  • Bangladeshi, European, French, Chinese, Japanese, Middle Eastern, African, Moroccan, Mexican, Malaysian, Italian and Asian, Indian stile cooking and menu knowledge on preservation of cooked and un cook food, Making Jam and Jelly, Chocolate, Commercial foods, Take away, Juice, Shakes, Smoothly, mix Alcohol, Beer, Wine with fruits and soft drinks, Ice cream making and have Signature dishes from all of them
  • STAE_OF_THE_ART to choose from.
  • Breakfast, lunch and dinner, Buffet, Cocktail party, Pastry, bakery items, Sweets and Desserts, Cakes, yeast goods, A LA crate, Asian fest feed food to open public, Wedding, Birth Day Party, Marriage Day Function, Sports even, Herbs and Vegetables, Cheese, Match Accompany with Food,
  • Small, medium and large restaurant, able to cook in bush like special force buy using own equipment to do function in real out door in Nature Like in a camp 1000 years ago, Native Australian Cooking, cooking for children’s and 5 Star Kitchen Work experience in all sections such as Cold Ladder, Banquet, Grill, Fish and In House Kitchen with groups of co workers from around the World.
  • Pizza making from beginning with verities
  • Stock taking, Receive, store and use stock
  • Meet standard recipe food quality and quantity from own made recipe
  • Able to carry 4 plates at a time
  • Able to explain menu item to guests
  • Take electronic payments on card
  • Prepare and cook menu item on set time
  • Select prepare and cook menu items on time
  • High standard hygiene and quality control
  • Use of charcoal and wood fire oven
  • Work Safe
  • Communicate over the phone, Train and work with colleges, Communication skills, Set up tables for food service and clean up as we go to minimize production cost and less west.
  • Use foodstuffs and side dish, EntrĂ©e, Developing customer satisfaction
  • Knowledge and experience in use of machines’ like dish washer, grill, oven, slicer, vacuum packing machine, micro wave and others commercial equipments’

... and let's just say that should I ever need to decorate a cake "in the bush like 1000 years ago," this guy is TOTALLY getting the gig!
NB: This is my 500th post! What, if anything, should I do to celebrate?!


DH said...

Order cup-cakes??

cupcaketastic said...

Ha, I like this. Hubby had one who was able to create an mysteriuos ambience, and socialise in public places. Enjoy!

Danielle said...

Bahaha! So you got my application from Queensland? I figure, you will pay that well, that I will be able to fly down there each day. And, although I don't have a car, I am sure you will agree, my experience in "backed cakes and maffins" more than makes up for that.

You really see what "weirdos" pop up when you place a wanted ad, hey?

And to celebrate? I say have a "survivor" day. Get all these weirdos together, and make them do some weird arse stuff to get the job. (Mud wrestling.....becomes icing wrestling??) If nothing else, it would be entertaining.

Claire - Matching Pegs said...

I would be guessing that many of these are applications that the jobless are forced to send to comply with requirement to receive their unemployment benefits.

The resume kind of makes me sad. This man needs a little bit of help with his resume, from a person whose English is better, but it sounds like he may actually have some experience handling real food.

Good Luck with your search Em!

the baker's wife said...

It's like funniest home videos, but for small business employers...

Don't be fooled for a second. The guy I hired who claimed 'willingness to sacrifice sleep and leisure time for the sake of work,' walked out half way through a shift.

You get such a strange list of candidates, it's hard sometimes to find the appropriate candidate from those who have done a mass mailout.

I found odd resumes arrived when the computer has confused 'baker' and 'banker'. I got some marvellous, serious, stockbroking CV's in response to my '40 hours, night-shift, experienced baker' position.

Good luck and go with your instincts. If you immediately think no, no, no, then do not try to convince yourself otherwise. There is no diamond in the rough. Sorry, but it's true.

Anonymous said...

Oh, this is heartbreaking. I'm sure you put this up because it initially presents as humorous. I have no idea what you were looking for, but this applicant obviously has lots of experience in the culinary industry. I have a 22yo daughter who also works in the food industry and this looks like a resume she might write herself. Not because she is a silly fool who has no idea that her achievements are laughable to others, but because she is trying to emphasize her experience and hard work. If this were my daughter's resume I would be proud of her for her thoroughness in identifying her skills.
I was reading through your blog for the first time and enjoying it when I came to this post.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

Hi Mary,

Thanks for leaving a comment. The most heartbreaking thing is really that the applicant didn't take the time to tailor his resume to the position offered - how relevant is a charcoal and wood fired oven to a pastry job? I think it's great when applicants have a lot of skills to offer, and want to share them - but I think if they put things on an application which are either irrelevant (or make no sense at all), then all they are doing is a disservice to themselves.

My advice to your daughter would be to share her achievements and skills, but to tailor her applications to be relevant to the job she's applying for.