I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Aussie Aussie Aussie

Oi! Oi! Oi!
(a common shout out done by rabid fans at Australian sporting events.)

You know you have been living in Australia for too long when:

1. Your hybrid Aussie/American accent does NOT fade the longer you are in the US. At the end of two weeks you are still getting, "So where are you from?" and then a confused look when you say, "I'm from LA, mate."

2. Said accent comes in handy when you get a speeding ticket on the I-5 somewhere in Central California...and you pull over to the wrong side of the freeway (not realising it was the wrong side in the first place.) Then you put your best Aussie accent on and tell the officer you're just visiting from OZ-tray-liyah and so don't know nuttin' about American road rules, let alone silly things like speed limits...and it totally works on him. (Also helpful to throw in a LOT of "mates" and "come round for dinner if you're ever Down Under")

3. You see Tim Tams for sale in American supermarkets and it annoys you because this means they have sold out to American consumerism and that this is a dilution of the Tim Tam brand. A Tim Tam fails to be special once you can easily get it in another country.

4. You hear that damn song "I Still Call Australia Home" played on the Qantas flight a million bloody times and yet the sight of those kids singing in Uluru still makes you tear up like an idiot.

5. You go to an Ice Hockey game (in Australia, who knew?!) and when they tell you to stand for the National Anthem, you panic a bit because, for a split second, you can't actually remember how the American one starts. (Good thing, too, because they sang the Australian one..which they would, given that the game was played in Australia. Duh!)

6. You think it's cool that, with the exception of a New Zealand stamp, all the other stamps in your passport are Australian...but then you forget that this just means your sorry ass hasn't travelled anywhere really amazing in a long while. (Other than New Zealand, which is almost like vacationing in your backyard. A truly spectacular backyard, but still...)

7. When you come into an Australian airport, you automatically head into the "citizens" line before you remember you've always been too cheap and too lazy to apply for citizenship so you sheepishly go and wait in the really, really long line which should be labelled "this line is for people who are too cheap and lazy to apply for citizenship."

8. You didn't vote in the recent election because you're not allowed to (see #7), but realise that if you could have, you probably would have...and you would even have a decent idea of who was running and what they were all about.

9. You cannot understand what the hell the menu at Starbucks says, and you find yourself standing in line muttering, "Bloody Americans! Why can't they just say "coffee" on the menu if that's what they sell? Venti, shmenti, latte, shmatte, I just want a freakin' cold coffee."

10. You can write a list like this in the first place, and have to use your imaginary editing pen in order to not make this list go on for several more pages.

Sadly, people, I think the transformation is complete...mate!


DH said...

Bonza mate!

Anonymous said...

Great - we're glad to have ya!

tim tam said...

yes the magic tranformation...know what ur talking about!!

Claire - Matching Pegs said...

And very happy we are to have you as one of us Em.

That Qantas ad makes me tear up every single time.