The New Normal

Today I read a quote on a weight loss blog which said, "If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse." Of late, I've been feeling a little...bored...when it comes to this whole weight loss thing and so this quote really spoke to me. I must admit, I wondered if I am making excuses (and therefore doing idiotic things) because I lack a goal. I have no specific numeric goal in mind, no magic number I want to reach. This is FAR different to my previous efforts, actually, where I believed that unless I has a goal - a whole series of goals, actually - I'd never succeed at this.

Then I remembered something I had told myself a long time ago - which is that the goal is just to have being at a healthy weight become normal.

You know that whole thing about setting small goals and giving yourself rewards at each step along the way? I totally used to do that. But then what happens when you reach the LAST goal? I'll tell you exactly what happens. You celebrate reaching goal by eating out at a fabulous restaurant and eating the whole bread basket before your starter has arrived. And then you flail around like the proverbial beached whale because you are now lacking in purpose. You're lacking in a goal - an end point - a "almost there, nearly there, going to get there, GOT THERE!" experience - and so you are lacking in a way to keep yourself mentally busy and committed to lettuce leaf sandwiches and 40 minutes on the treadmill. So, you fall off the wagon spectacularly. I mean SPECTACULARLY. Because - doing it for no reward? Why bother?

Frankly, I'll be honest with you. Being devoted to exercise and weight loss is very, very time consuming. It eats up (pun intended) a whole LOT of your real time, and a whole lot of your brain time. It's like having a second full time job. It quite literally consumes you.

This is not to say I am not a believer in goals, because I am nothing if not an over-achiever, and the best way to do that is to set a goal and then smash the shit out of it. This time, though, this time is different. Because there is no goal. No end point. No nothing except living a happy, healthy life to the best of my ability. I just want being this weight to be the status quo.

And you know...normal...is kinda boring.

Because ...this means that I will miss a few gym sessions. Or maybe go to the gym, but once in a while NOT put in 110% effort. Or, like today, eat a shit load of lollies (OMG have you *tried* choc covered milk bottles? Because those damn things need their own religion, or something.) Or...just eat whatever the hell I feel like for a couple of days in a row. BUT this also means that I *know* that the "goal" (such as it were) is just to 'keep on keeping on'...and so I'll be back at the gym tomorrow. I'll buy something horrid to eat, relish that first bite, and throw the rest out (yes, I really do this. Often. And often because the item never lives up to how good it is in my head, and calories for things which are not worth it? Not my scene any more.) Or I might not buy anything horrid at all for weeks and weeks on end. I might be so perfect as to need a halo.

I'll have my good days, my bad days, my GREAT days, my HORRID days...but what I've come to realise is, THIS IS THE NEW NORMAL. The new normal goes to the gym like she said she would. The new normal walks to work sometimes, just for fun - and who knew, but for the new normal, walking IS fun. The new normal gets up off her ass to do stuff she would previously have gotten other people to do. The new normal voluntarily exercises on the weekend with her family. The new normal eats too many lollies once in a while, but it's not really a big deal. The new normal is just that...normal. Easy. Simple.

I may never be entirely happy with my dress size or the numbers which flash on the scale...but you know what? I don't really care any more. Because it's important to me, and so every single day of my life, I am finding a way. Some days, I'm still making excuses. Hell, some HOURS I am still making excuses. But you know, living a life without a food or exercise or weight loss goal...is exceptionally liberating. To not be held hostage to the constant thinking about it is just...so wonderfully CALM.

And, honestly, the most difficult part of weight loss? The mental shift in realising that you don't need goals to do this. At all. And realising that there is no end point (for me anyway), because I don't really need one.

The new normal does not need to think about food and weight and gym all the time...because it's important to her. And ultimately, it being important - is the most important goal of all.