10 Things In My World

5 things which are seriously irritating me:

1. Adult acne. Fer' cripes' sake, enough already!

2. The fact that I wrenched my back while my wiping my ass. I only wish I was kidding about that. Okay, you can stop laughing now. It fucking hurts, you know.

3. My de-lurk day failed miserably.

4. Finding packaging for my Three Sweeties gourmet line of products. All the sexy packaging is either too expensive or not air tight. *bangs head on wall* Ideas welcome.

5. The cook in the kitchen next to mine who keeps coming into my kitchen and saying, "So what did you make me for afternoon tea, hmmm?" Umm, that would be a big fat NOTHING, ya biotch. Now get out of my kitchen!


5 things which make my life worth living, other than my children, husband and chocolate:

1. The gourmet line of Three Sweeties products are seriously, seriously good. I've got nothing to put them in, but as products they are exceeding my expectations. Three words: Vanilla. Bean. Marshmallows.

2. This week DH and I are going on a mini-vacation for 5 days (which I can ill afford the time, but we planned it ages ago.) This is the longest we've been away from the trio. I'm thinking of indulging in three things: 1) sleep 2) uninterrupted sex and 3) breakfast which does not involve cereal. Repeat.

3. Tomorrow night I'm going to the parents' association meeting with the express purpose of kicking ass about a number of issues which are really irritating me. Frankly, I love a good fight. Especially one which I plan to win.

4. My DH has a cute butt. Which I'll get to admire on vacation, without a kid yelling, "Gross! Dad! I can see your BUTT! Ewwwww!"

5. DD1, who would normally have a very hard time performing, stood up in front of a theatre full of people, in full costume, with bright lights shining in her eyes and loud music playing.... and SANG. With hand motions. Something she previously could not do without needing to cover her ears and hide in a corner and sing to herself. She did it. On TWO nights. I have never been more proud of her. Sometimes it's the little things.

Good Mom, Bad Mom

In a lot of the crime fiction novels I read, the people questioning the suspects will often employ the "good cop, bad cop" technique. Basically two people 'gang up' on the third, with one acting nice and the other acting not-so -nice. I think the basic point of it is that human nature causes us to shy away from the bad cop, and spill our guts out to the good cop. Both people are getting at the same goal of getting you to confess to the crime - but they way they approach it is different. It's all about perspective, you know?

I was trying to think about a blog topic today which wasn't a complaint about the Food & Wine Fest events I went to (don't get me started), or my job ending soon (don't get me started), or DH traveling in one of my busiest weeks ever (don't get me started). The topic I came up with was sort of in the same vein as a meme - "5 Good Mommy Things" I've done today. Then when I thought about it, I realised that everything I've done today, parenting-wise, was more deserving of a Bad Mommy award. Hmmm. Small problem there - can't really praise oneself when one is totally devoid of praise-worthy activities. So in the spirit of playing my OWN bad cop, good cop, here are five Good Mom/Bad Mom things I've done recently:

1. Good Mom: My kids ate a low calorie, low GI dinner. Bad Mom: I had such a long day, and such a niggling back ache, that I introduced them to the joy of Nutella on white bread as a dinner menu item. It WAS low GI white bread though. Chef, shmef. Sometimes even we can't be fucked (to cook anything). For what it's worth my own dinner was along the same lines.

2. Good Mom: In the morning my kids will enjoy a high-protein breakfast which will probably involve eggs, toast, yogurt and oatmeal. Bad Mom: I forgot to buy milk, so in the morning they will be annoyed that they won't get to have cereal, or milk to drink. Know what I say to that? Tough shit.

3. Good Mom: It's bath night! They all had a bath which involved water and soap. Bad Mom: I filled up the bath, dumped a bunch of bubble bath into it, swirled the water around, chucked the kids in, said, "Don't forget to wash 'yer bits" and walked away (yes, I could still hear and see them from where I was. What do you think I am?). Cleanliness is overrated anyway.

4. Good Mom: I made sure my kids got a good, full night's sleep. Bad Mom: I told them it was "very, very late" because it was so dark outside, and I hustled them off to bed quick-smart as a result. The reality of it is, at the time it was a full hour before they normally go to bed. Silly me! I "forgot" to mention that Daylight Savings ended on the weekend! Ha! (Damn kids were very ratty today - a result of waking at the crack of dawn the last two days.) So I sent them off to bed early. So sue me. I would like to point out, though, that 30 seconds after I turned the lights off, all three of them were sleeping like the proverbial logs.

5. Good Mom: I limit my kids television watching time, to ensure they don't become couch potatoes. Bad Mom: In response to my limiting their TV time, they complained. Loudly. So I told them that too much TV will make their eyes turn square....and they believe me! I also told them that the only way to cure square eyes was to go to the doctor, and you might end up needing an injection. I have no intention of telling them the truth anytime soon. Maybe when they turn 18.

So there you have it. In the past day alone I've lied to my children, fed them junk food disguised as decent food, purposely fooled their body clocks, failed to wash them properly, and denied them the joys of breakfast cereal. I've not exactly been a paragon of good parenting.

Good Mom: Keeping it real, parenting-wise.

Bad Mom: No such thing as long as you love them and look after them.
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Note: It should be obvious from this post that DH is out of town. As we all know by now, the minute the man hops in the cab to go to the airport I turn into Slacker Mom. Course if he even TRIED this, I'd kill him. Doncha love double standards?!

Midnight Madness

DH and I have a lot in common, but we also have some very marked differences. One of these is sleep - I like a lot of sleep, and he doesn't really need much. I can sleep while a large freight train goes through my bedroom and is then followed by several police cars and ambulances with sirens wailing and lights flashing. He, on the other hand, wakes up when he hears the conductor in the next country say "tickets, please." One of the more unfortunate side effects of my sleeping "habit" is that I can have full, apparently "conscious" conversations with people - while I am asleep. My eyes can be open, I can be talking at length (of course) and at volume (of course) and in complete sentences (of course) - and yet, not remember a single thing about it the next morning. I can in fact do several activities like changing into pajamas, setting my alarm, putting away dishes and other sundry 'stuff' and yet have no recall beyond getting up off the couch the night before. It's not unusual for me to wake up and say to DH, "What happened last night?" In my defense, I'm glad I married someone who I am (mostly) sure would not take advantage of me in the this sleep/wake state of mine. Actually, maybe he did - I wouldn't remember anyway! Damn, wonder if I'm missing out on something good?!? Must.Stay.Awake. (Next.Time.)

So this whole sleep/awake thing is a well known fact in my family and my sister has previously used it to her advantage. Ergo, she'd come home late after being out, come into my room and ask to borrow something. I'd answer her, ask her how her night was, etc and then fall blissfully asleep. The next morning she would have or be wearing said item, and I'd say, "HEY! WHO SAID YOU COULD BORROW THAT?" and she, opportunist that she is, would smile and say, "YOU did. Last night." Given that I couldn't remember last night, I couldn't really argue, could I? So - see? This sleeping and talking thing gets me in trouble. A few nights ago, however, was a PRIME example of how actually BEING awake while others think you are asleep (and therefore will be affected with amnesia) can work to one's advantage.

For reasons which totally escape me now, we started to talk about The Wiggles. I don't know why - another example of how parenthood addles the brain. Anyways, so we talk about Jeff, the Purple Wiggle. DH claims he's "over 60" and I claim he's "50 something." We discuss this for a while, and eventually decide a bet is the best way to solve this complex moral quandary. The reward, if I won, was a whole week of a) picking what to watch on TV and b) dictating what time DH gets to bed. The reward if DH won was only part A, since he didn't much care about dictating my sleeping time. Now you should know that TV in general is an "issue" in this household - because DH watches (endless) (boring) (inane) (bad makeup) (wierd creepy space thingies) (no storyline beyond either getting home or trying to get home and not making it) (shows with numbers in the title) (did I mention boring and endless?) Sci-Fi shows. I, on the other hand, have several genres I like. But I digress. So the stakes were high - for him at least.

I think DH thought I forgot about the bet, as per my usual "I'm in bed and therefore non compos mentis" behaviour.

He was wrong.

I win.

Whose sleeping NOW, baby?!?!