Slacker Mom

As DH will tell you, I'm very demanding. In my defense, I'm demanding of him but I am also very demanding of myself. Since I knew he would be away for quite a while (and thus unable to put forth an opinion or 'help') I had a whole list of home projects I intended to finish. You know the ones - things you put off until you have 'free time', things you should be doing regularly but you don't so they build up and then become too time consuming to deal with, things you just plain ignore because they are boring. Closet clean-outs, office paper filing...the boring but important detritus of life. I am taking this post to admit that I have not crossed a single thing off my list. For those who know that I am obsessive compulsive crazy overachiever girl, (COG), you will know that crossing things off a list is, for me, like the world's best orgasm and calorie-free premium chocolate ice cream all rolled into one.

I have become a slacker Mom on so many levels....and...*confession time* I am loving every single minute of it. DH and IL's, feel free to read the following but brace yourselves and try to contain your horror.

Those great meals I was going to cook for the kids each night? Ummm, no. Dinner is a selection of cereals or sandwiches, to which the kids say, "AGAIN?" The closets I was going to clean? Still full of clothes which have not fit since the kids were babies. My girls keep wearing long sleeved shirts which can best be described as cut off tank tops with cap sleeves. My son tried to put on socks that were so small, he could not get them over his toes. The laundry pile is threatening to spill out into another (several) rooms. I don't think we have enough toilet paper to last the week. The fridge is quite, quite bare (as in, even the condiments are running low.) I've been wearing the same clothes for 2-3 days in a row (as are the kids) to reduce the laundry demands. The office still looks as it did on the day DH left - which is to say, a fire hazard of paper and stuff which has no other home. Only difference is the number of dirty tea cups littering the desk. I get the dishes done...eventually...or I just throw everything in the dishwasher and turn it on and pray nothing breaks. Under normal cicumstances, I'm a terrible housekeeper but I maintain minimum standards. My minimum standards have gone to hell in a washing basket. The beauty of it is, I could care less. I cannot remember a time in my (adult) life that I just let everything go. I'm very BAD at relaxing. I'm bad at having nothing to do. I always multi-task, write lists, volunteer for more stuff, and find something which needs doing right this very second. What I've discovered is that there is an enormous amount of freedom to being Slacker Mom. It's BRILLIANT, and I should just let go more often. Sure, my house could probably be condemned - but the kids and I are having loads more fun, and they are behaving like angels. The fact that Child Protection Services might cart them away for neglect...well, we had fun while it lasted. On the weekend DS (Dear Son) made a great spider out of a toilet roll, a bunch of straws and miles upon miles of sticky tape. DD#2 came downstairs today, dressed and ready to go to kinder, with nary a whine or complain or fuss. For her this is nothing short of miraculous. DD#1 has coped beautifully since DH has been gone (she is his #1 fan), and tells me about 600 times a day that she loves me. They get to kinder (mostly) on time, they go to bed with mimimal fuss, and so far nobody has gotten lice or died of starvation - not even the fish! I could definetly get used to this - I figure even our bills are smaller since I can't be bothered food shopping.

Life as a Slacker Mom is great, and I have no intention of changing my ways until the few hours before DH comes home, when I just might be forced to do something about the chaos. This whole slacking thing is new to me. Who would have known that slacking as a lifestyle is such great fun? However, as I said, I'm demanding. If the tables were turned, and it was DH being Slacker Dad - I'd kick his ass to kingdom come. "What do you MEAN you didn't get around to it? I leave for three weeks and you can't even be bothered to have clean underwear? What the hell have you and the kids been living off of, peanut butter sandwiches?" Hell hath no fury like a woman who could have done it all better, by herself, with one hand tied behind her back. In this case, as I know DH is reading this blog while he's away, I know he's going to forgive me for the mess. Actually he's so freakin' fabulous, he'll probably say, "So what? You enjoyed it. You finally took some time off from being crazy over achiever girl? About time!" This, dear readers, is why I love my DH. Those reading this post who know me intimiately will recognise how totally out of character slacking is for me- I am not one for slacking even when I am on vacation. I was telling a girlfriend about my slacker ways and she said, "Did it ever occur to you that you NEED to do this?" She's right. I needed to learn how the other half lives...and now that I know, it just might be hard to get back to my COG self. On the other hand, imagine what a GREAT lists of "stuff which needs doing" I'll be able to make...