There are a number of things I am pretty good at. Being a pastry chef, writing great letters (these days, emails), parenting (well, they're not on the therapist's couch yet), cooking in general, changing tires (as I recently discovered!), laughing, telling jokes, being organised, writing blog entries (ha!)....anyway, lots of stuff I can do and do well. However life has recently reminded me that there are a number of things which I am totally, utterly, completely useless at. Here is a small selection of things which I really suck at doing:
- Sewing. I attempted to sew a large hole in DD#1's most favourite and well abused denim skirt. Ummmm....well, it's hanging together on a hope and a prayer (and lots of crooked, too wide, very messy and not done right stitches.) Seriously, I will be amazed if it lasts the day.
- Ironing. Given my career, there is a reasonable amount of ironing to do. Thank god it's just squares or rectangles, because ironing anything in another shape is just not possible. I iron more wrinkles *in* than I take out, and even that takes in excess of 45 minutes. Per shirt.
- Lying. I can do it when it's not important, like little white likes about 'I LOVE this hideous and inappropriate gift! Thank you SO much!" but when someone asks my opinion about something, well...I can't hide it. I open my mouth and say what I am thinking. Rather often, this gets me in trouble. It's like I either never had a brain filter, or someone turned it off. I also can't lie on paper - like resumes. If I lied on my resume, my non-filtered mouth would probably give it away in the first three seconds of the interview.
- Making small talk while holding a drink in one hand. This is akin to slow torture for me. The only salvation is the waitress with the canapes, who frankly I assault every time she walks past so I have an excuse (full mouth) not to make more pointless, uncomfortable conversation.
- "Forgetting" to eat. Who are these people? The ones who get so busy they forget to eat? This has never happened to me. I could be writing the Great American Novel (in Braille), knitting a jumper with my feet, keeping 10 plates spinning on poles, reciting The Odyssey in French backwards all at the same time and I would STILL not forget to eat.
- Washing Dishes - or at least, DH says I am bad at this. I just say, he thinks I'm bad at it, so he does it himself. Perfect plan in my book! Somehow when he's not around the dishes get washed just fine...hmmm...
- Pretend to like people. You know how you meet someone, and you either instantly click with them or you don't? Well if I mean someone who falls into the "no click" category, I have a hard time hiding that. I suppose I wear my heart on my sleeve in that way - it's obvious how I feel about someone pretty much from minute one. I take the things people say personally. I can't fake a smile or affection. My people skills are very black and white.