I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

If you give a fly a cupcake

One of the unfortunate side effects of a beautiful Australian summer is the flies. The damn things are just everywhere, and you can't get away from them. The running joke is that flapping one's hand across their face to shoo the flies is the Australian greeting for hello. It's not uncommon so see runners and walkers with a twig of gum tree in their hands, swishing it about their head and face as they exercise. It doesn't actually bother the flies, but it makes the walker feel like they are doing something about the problem.

When I first came here I went on a bus tour to the middle of the country - Uluru, Katherine, and so on. The one rule of the bus trip was that as the person ahead of you got on, you had to brush the flies off their back - a most effective technique to keep the damn things out of the bus. Most travellers complain about them, but most locals just get used to them. While I personally find the little flies annoying, Australia is also home to the MOTHER of all flies - the blow flies.

Blow flies, for those who don't know, are these MASSSIVE bloody flies which are not only ugly but also make an annoying buzzing noise. They drive people crazy - and when I say they are big I mean big - like a giant yellow-jacket size. They're also kinda gross, you know?

Last week I had to deliver some cupcakes to a wedding venue on the other side of town. As I was setting them up, this big blow fly decided to keep me company. I wasn't surprised, given the heat of the day and the sweet smell of the cupcakes. I finished my set up and mentioned to the venue manager that she might want to swat him. Much to my dismay, she went running for a massive aerosol can of fly spray. She chased the bugger around the room, spraying a 'whoosh' of chemical at him at various intervals. He was tenacious, though, and wouldn't die...until, of course, he decided he was hungry and wanted to nibble on a cupcake. (Well, can you blame him? All that buzzing around!)

She approached the tiers of cupcakes, fly spray in hand...and I cirnged, knowing where this was going to lead. She shooed him off a cupcake, using her hand as a fan. She waited until he was a couple of inches above the display and then she sprayed the shit out of that guy....not really noticing the fine but concentrated mist of fly spray which was now landing ALL OVER my cupcakes.

Oh great! Just fabulous! Anyone interested in chocolate cupcakes with butter cream icing and a fine sprinkling of Mortein? Uuuggghhhh...

So this is what happens if you give a fly a cupcake. It's the cupcake which gets it in the end.

The fly? He just kept on buzzing.

I left before she decided to smoke the place out.

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