I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Non Negotiables

Last night DH and I were watching an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker, where the owner of the dating agency for millionaires put herself forward as a client. Apparently even those who matchmake for a living occasionally need a helping hand in these sorts of things. One of the first steps in her process is a 'one on one' where she asks the client a number of personal questions about the sort of person they are looking for. Most common is the question, "What are your five non negotiable traits for a partner?"

This of course had me thinking, didn't it? I've mentioned before how I enjoy having male friends, and in recent weeks I've connected and re-connected with a couple more. I've been amused to find that ALL of these men share very similar interests - it's almost as though someone built a mould and just stamped all these people out of it before dropping them into my life. So when a male friend says to me, "I really love Dr Who," I just smile and nod and say, "Of course you do. OF COURSE." (Because so do all the others. And by the way, are you into sport, either cricket or Aussie Rules? Do you work with or like playing with technology? And do you like Monty Python? And are you a foodie who likes to cook? And, and, and...) It's clear that I've got a "type" when it comes to men, which brings me back to the "5 non negotiables" exercise. No, I'm not in the market for anyone - this is really just a bit of silliness on my part.

If I were on the Millionaire Matchmaker show, these would be my 5 non-negotiables for a partner:
(Friends is different. I don't have any non-negotiables for those.)

1. Has to be tall. 6 feet tall at minimum, but I'd really prefer 6'1" or above. I don't much care about other body traits, but this one is a definite non-negotiable. I'm not confident enough to be with anyone shorter than I am.

2. Has to have a job, career, purpose, or frankly just something he does during the day which keeps him busy (other than another girl of course.) I'm not interested in struggling actors, waiters, slackers, surfies, or anybody who lacks purpose and drive. If you're independently wealthy and don't NEED to work, that's fine, but for the love of god please do not hang out at home all day getting in my way. 

3. Has to be Jewish. It shouldn't really matter, but we're talking life partner here, not just a friend - and that, for me, is less about religion and more about understanding the culture and shared values of education, family, and home. Plus someone who will indulge my obsession with expensive Israeli hummus without batting an eyelid is a bonus.

4. Stupid people need not apply. Please. It helps if you are definitely a geek or nerd, but not one who is  socially inept. So a geek or nerd that I can take out in public preferably.

5. You've got to like watching Dr. Who. I don't know what the attraction of this show is (I've never managed to get through even a single episode) but clearly, there is something about this show and the people who watch it who are attractive to me. I have yet to meet a Dr Who fan who I did not like, ergo, if Dr Who fans = people I like, you've got to be someone who likes Dr Who. Plus this means you will immediately have something in common with every other person in my life.

So there you go. Gentlemen, feel free to start an orderly queue. Oh wait, I'm not looking, am I? I've already got someone who meets all those criteria (plus the ones which are negotiable, but he ticks those boxes too.)  Phew! Glad I've got that sorted. :)

Partnered or not, do you have any non-negotiables?


kazari said...

1 and 2 and 4 - but then, i'm only just 5ft, so just about everyone is taller than me.
I'd add to 2 'Must not hate job'.

Also, must be enthusiastic about stuff. I've met a lot of people lately that are too cool or cynical for anything, or otherwise disengaged to the point of what looks like depression. Doesn't even need to be enthusiastic about the same stuff as me - just have an ability to enjoy life.
Basically, if somebody doesn't have fun in their life, why it would be fun to have them in mine?

Thats about it, really.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

Oh I am SO with you on that one! :)

A bit of sparkle is always a good thing.


sacha fisher said...

A partner who understands that the hummous from Israel IS not negotiable is totally important. It's not about the hummous, it's about understanding the irrational needs of the superior taster in the relationship!

Seriously though, on this weeks episode of This American Life (podcast it), Ira Glass said something wonderful about marriage. His subject had said that he wanted a vow renewal every seven years, to force people to do a relationship check and have a way out if it was all over and they didn't know how to finish off the relationship. But Ira basically said he loves that marriage has no way out, it is comforting to him that even if he hates his partners guts today, he knows that whatever the problem, they have time, and they'll work it out, 'cos they're in it for life. It was beautiful, the reverance he has in his voice for the sanctity of marriage, not something you hear in today's modern world.