Fortune, Shmortune

At work recently there was a box of fortune cookies. Me being me, I decided to eat one. (Hey, it's something sweet, it was free, and it might reveal something fabulous!) Anyway, so I took one fortune cookie, broke it in half (thus resulting in crumbs everywhere, but never mind.) Secretly I was hoping there would be no idiotic "Help! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie company" message. This could be IT. The key to my future happiness and untold wealth! So you can imagine my delight when the fortune said:

You have a friendly heart and are well admired.

It also had lucky lottery numbers on the back (3 16 14 28 15 17) but the point is, that was a GOOD fortune to get. I started to feel a little bit "yay ME" about it. Obviously, while the cookie itself might be stale and crumbly, clearly the messages inside were as fresh as a daisy! This had to MEAN something, right? You people LIKE me, you really LIKE me!

Now because I am greedy and eat too much, I decided it would be a good idea to have another one. This one might promise me travel, or a money tree, or an instant solution to weight loss which allows all the food I want! I was on a roll here, baby! So in anxious excitement - and just a little bit of smug aren't-I-cleverness - I cracked open fortune cookie numero deux. It said:

It is always the ones who talk loudest who do the least. (24 17 25 32 33 35)

Stupid fortune cookie fuckers. What do they know?