I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The Silence of the Lambs

I sat there, mouth agape and eyes wide in horror, as the Master Butcher ka-WHUMPED the entire carcass of the lamb onto the chopping table not 12 inches from the end of my nose. I find myself staring into the bloody stump of what once held the head of a lamb. A soft, fluffy, baaa-ing lamb, gently leaping over hill and dale - reduced down to what was now just a dark red carcass with a bleedy, sickening stump of a neck. I watched with equal parts horror and fascination as the Butcher started to break down this animal into components - hindquarter, loins, forequarter....and then further into shanks, rumps, racks and so on. The process took several hours, with bits of blood, gristle and bone being thrown with stunning inaccuracy towards different sizes buckets and tubs. There was much talking on the part of the Butcher - pricing, quality, sizing, and so on. All interesting, useful information, all presented in a theatre of animal butchery hell.

I, however, had a very, very hard time watching this spectacle of butchery take place. Why? Because within about 5 minutes of the ka-WHUMPING of the carcass, I tore my eyes away from the poor animal to look at the Butcher himself. About 60 years old, portly, kind face - could've been anyone's grandpa, really. Around his waist was a traditional striped butcher's apron, with a chain link around his waist. One end of the chain held a sharpening steel, the other a large pocket with several different gleaming knives. Your friendly neighborhood serial killer attire, basically. Grandpa Butcher was also wearing a butcher's coat - which looks much like a doctor's coat with a "V" neck. So I could see he wearing a nice business-type shirt, and a tie.

And here, my friends, is where I believe I was the only one in the room to catch the irony.

I was close enough to discern that the tie had an animal motif on it. As I leaned in closer to the table laden with bloody animal parts, and it dawned on me what I was seeing, the horror of it all made me want to laugh and retch at the same time.

Grandpa Butcher was wearing a tie covered in a motif of.... fluffy lambs. Complete with hill and dale. It's enough to make a person a vegetarian.

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