I Lost My Sticky Tape

The following story has NO point to it. It's just another in a string of "only in my life does this crap happen" stories recounted for your general amusement.

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I have this scar which has been annoying me. It's a keloid scar which is a fancy word for 'red and bumpy and ugly and damn irritating'. So I went to the doctor and he suggested I use BioOil to get the scar tor reduce down a bit. BioOil is this supposedly miracle product which reduces the look and feel of scars. I religiously rubbed that (very expensive) stuff on twice a day for almost 3 months. At the end of 3 months, I had very soft hands but a very ugly keloid scar which had not improved one iota.

So I went back to the doctor and he suggested using something called 'Ciba Care' - which according to him worked miracles. He then said if that didn't work, my other choices were scary shit like injecting the scar with saline or getting it surgically removed. (Which I do not understand at all. Create a new scar to get rid of an old one? Who invents this stuff?!) Anyway so I went to the chemist to buy this Ciba Care thing, only to discover it's ONE HUNDRED BUCKS worth of sticky tape. Seriously. It's this giant silicone sheet - which by the way, nobody really knows how or why it works but supposedly it does. So I read the instructions and cut said sticky tape into pieces big enough to cover my scar, then stick the thing on. It's just like this very thick piece of sticky tape you apply right to your skin.

According to the instructions, you need to keep it on for a minimum of 10 weeks (24/7) AND you need to clean it regularly (twice a day!) and apparently scar reducing miracles will happen. Shyah, right. Anyway, I followed said instructions and for the past 10 weeks, hilarity has ensued. Mostly because when I sleep at night, I'm a regular rotisserie - round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows. So when I wake up in the morning, the old sticky tape has tended to roll off and disappear in the night. Every morning DH and I play "find the sticky tape"...a game which he finds amusing for various reasons (my Mom and MIL read this, I'm not going into more detail, thanks) and I find mildly annoying. Most mornings I find said sticky tape, wash it, and away we go.

One of the more irritating things about the sticky tape regime is that, after a few weeks, it loses it's stickiness so you need chuck it out, cut another piece off and start again. The only problem is, it's not immediately noticeable that your sticky tape has lost its sticky until weird stuff happens like you're sitting down eating lunch, glance down at your shoe and see your sticky tape waving in the breeze from it's perch on your toe. This tends to stress me out because, a) my shoe does not have a scar, and b) losing a piece of sticky tape is like sending $25 down the drain.

So clearly my sticky tape has lost it's sticky...because today at work I went to the toilet and then realised it had totally disappeared. (Note, sticky tape is not normally near my nether regions, it's just that I happened to notice while I was in there.) Panic ensued as I searched high and low for my sticky tape. For the life of me, the damn thing just up and disappeared. Sticky tape being what it is, it has a tendency to just stick wherever it lands so often it's not all that easy to find. I turned my clothes inside out, checked the edges of my bra, checked everywhere that I thought, "If I were expensive medical sticky tape, where would I go on holiday?" and could not find it ANYWHERE.

Some hours later I dropped something on the floor and when I bent down to pick it up, I found my sticky tape curled up and smashed into the floor. Someone else might have binned it, but me being me, I was going to save that sucker. What, you think sticky tape grows on trees? So I had it stuck to my finger and (because my co-worker does not know about said sticky tape) looked around for a place to store it until I could get home and thoroughly clean it. My only solution (because I needed a quick one) was to stick it to the corner of my diary which was sticking out of my work bag.

You can all guess where this story is going, can't you? I totally forgot about my sticky tape until about an hour ago, when I thought, "Oh! Must rescue my sticky tape!" Of course, the damn thing has gone walkabout again, AND it was my last piece, and damn if I'm not going to go spend ANOTHER hundred bucks to replace it. Plus, it's been 10 weeks and guess what, the damn scar looks the damn same! So my sticky tape is now lost AGAIN and all my endless hunting of my bag turned up not even one tiny hint of where it might be. I shudder to think of where it might turn up...but in the meantime, hey, it's a blog post.