I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Let's Talk About Sex

I have the world's most fabulous friend, who on this blog is known as 007.

Among other things, 007 keeps me in stitches with all her stories about dating in the modern day world (although we tend to call it "boy goss."). She's single, forty and fabulous...and rather inclined to pash the odd bloke at the pub or find a willing partner for the night. I'm not saying she does this a lot (oh you slut you!), but rather that when she wants or needs some, she can find some.

She recently met a new bloke. I won't say too much about him (although one doubts he reads this blog) but I will say that this new guy opened up a whole can of worms with 007 and I. My POV is that, as long as what you are looking for is a decent, loving relationship - you shouldn't be giving up the goods (so to speak) too early on. There should be a bit of wining and dining and other stuff before there is the other, other stuff. Now if all you're after is a quick shag and a decent pash, well, by all means go right ahead. But if what you want is a partner to go to weddings with, someone to fart in front of, and a willing chick-flick partner ... just hang onto the goods for a bit. Not months and months on end ... but maybe 3, 4 dates. And I mean DATES. As in going out in public, doing stuff together, maybe spending one night in with a movie, whatever. But clearly DATES as opposed to "hanging out with some mates."

I also see no point in sexting unless you got the real thing first - because then it's just teasing bullshit which keeps people from actually giving up the real deal. Much easier to hide behind a flurry of texts than it is to pony up with the goods...and the number of times I've had friends with 'relationships' which never get beyond a mobile phone is staggering.

I digress.

007 thinks I am, among other things, 1) a total dag, 2) a nerdy berger, and 3) supremely old fashioned. I'm not denying any of those tags (especially #3 but then you all knew that already.) In her view, there doesn't need to be dinner or drinks or really anything at all. If you want to, do it and that's that. She sees no need for any of the rest of it, even when it IS a relationship she's after and not just a wham-bam situation.

I think to me, the whole dinner/drinks/time together is more about the respect you're giving the other person, the interest you're taking in their lives, and the fun of the pursuit. She thinks you can have all of that without the actual dating bit, and that just hanging out together or with friends will give you all of that. Me, I'm not convinced - but then we did say that I'm old fashioned, didn't we?

To be fair, I have close to zero dating experience, and definitely none happening at the age she's currently at (because I have several years to go before I reach that age, and because I was a child bride). Maybe things are different now and I really am a stick in the mud. I just refuse to believe that most relationships (although maybe some do) start with the sex and without the dating.

...but then again, I'm also damn grateful I won't need to find that out anytime soon. Perhaps I'd better crawl back under my suburban married rock?


kazari said...

I think if you start a relationship just shagging and hanging out with mates, it's pretty difficult for it to become anything but shagging and hanging out with mates.
Which is fine - I have some friends that just keep doing what they're doing, and move in, and have a couple kids...
I guess it depends what you're idea of a long term relationship is.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

You know Kazari, you might be right there. I too have friends who sort of 'evolved' over time, but then I look at them now and not much has changed other than the hanging out with mates has become "hanging out with mates and kids running around."

I think I am just a hopeless romantic...OR...I just want free dinners. :)


kazari said...

Free dinners are nice.
As someone who's just had her 'evolved' relationship fall apart, I think I will try for more free dinners next time.

Anonymous said...

Ladies, ladies, ladies. This is all sounding a bit smug married!! There's a lot of "should" terms here that make me run cold. Isn't life, love & the rest of it about doing what you "want" not what you "should". Which is obviously within the bounds of being a good person etc, not committing random violent acts because you want to! You get my meaning. We all SHOULD eat well, but we don't all the time, we all SHOULD get out more & away from the telly, but we don't.... It's about what works for you & if you make a mistake, then so be it. Those mistakes just make you the glorious human that you are now. Yay for those slip ups I say! I'm not doing things because you or society tells me I should. I should settle down, I should have children, I should buy a house, I should live in a good suburb. I'll do all that if & when I want to, not because I have to.

Don't get me started on the merits of sexting - don't knock it till you've tried it.....

Also, just so you know - when there's a boy worth waiting for, then I might hold onto the goods. This one, while sweet & very hot, isn't one I'm keen on holding onto..... Just one I'm keen on jumping onto!! I'm sure you'll agree that there's a distinct difference. And at forty & fabulous I know the difference.

Love you long time,