The New Kids on The Hill

If this past summer is anything to go by, the kids' new school is going to make some seriously good blog fodder. Actually it's not so much the school - which for what we're paying better be practically perfect in every way - but the other kids and parents who are there. And because NONE of them know me well enough to know that I blog, it's pretty much open season here on e&tht. You lucky folk get to come along for the ride. (And Danielle, I can hear you cackling with glee, I really can.)

So. Parent numero uno who gets my witty commentary is actually a really nice person, with a good heart, is well-meaning and has a kind disposition....and she kinda annoys the hell out of me. I'm going to call her....let's see... Arty Farty Parent (or AFP for short.) I don't know her all that well but because of some other circumstances she knows my kids pretty well. Late last year she offered to organise a summer play date with some kids from school so that my kids could get to know some people before they went to The Big School On The Hill (TBSOTH). She totally made good on that promise, and I think now she believes we need to be BFF. She kinda...calls a lot, and talks to me a lot, and really really really wants to be my friend a lot.

I can't handle "a lot."

The problem is that while I like her, I don't really like her, you know? She does annoying stuff, like rifle through all the paperwork on my kitchen table and then after a couple of minutes looks up and says, "You don't really mind me looking, do you?" Then she looks through the kids' class lists and tells me which of the kids on there I should 'cultivate' as friends for my kids. Then comments on said parents of said kids. The thing is, she really was trying to help. She really was coming at it from a nice place..but damn if I didn't want to slap her upside the head and say, "Bitch, step away from my paperwork!"

She brought her kid over for a playdate and stayed...for a couple of hours. In fact she stayed so long she then told her kid she might as well just stay until they were done playing because there was no point in going home just to turn around again. O.M.G. Seriously? Woman? You need to leave. As in NOW. Yes, I invited her in, and yes I offered the obligatory cup of tea, but did she not read the social rule which says, "And now you shall politely decline and then beat a hasty retreat out of my house?"

And then, just to really make my life a living hell, my kids really like her kid. Me? I think this kid is Luna Lovegood incarnate. Seriously - looks like her, talks like her, would probably own those funky earrings if she could. Fruitcake through and through...AND she has food issues, the main issue being she does not appear to actually eat anything AT ALL. Or if she does, it has many, many rules about what it can and cannot be. I shit you not, we entered into a five minute discussion about how I should go about making her some Vegemite on toast. And the funniest part is she spent a good couple of minutes then complimenting me on how delicious and yummy my Vegemite on toast was and thanking me profusely....without even a touch of sarcasm or irony. She really did love it. Maybe I should be grateful that she's at least polite.

Ohhhhhhh Lord. This is going to be fun, isn't it? God give me strength..or at least give me time for blogging so I can share all this madness with you lot.