You just never know

Things I never thought I would find myself doing for my children:

1. Spending $80 on make-up, including fake eyelashes and fire-engine red lipstick, for my seven year old daughter. (In my defence, it's for her ballet concert. Still, it kinda makes me want to puke.)

2. Playing Mums-versus-Kids Aussie Rules football and enjoying it so much I briefly found myself wondering it there is such thing as a special league for fat women who cannot run very far.

3. Sewing a dress, from a pattern...and having it come out looking like an actual dress, which both my girls have enjoyed wearing. Not only that, I found myself liking it enough to try it again (yes, photos and a full post-mortem to be posted soon.)

4. Explaining what a blog is, and then having to wrestle the camera away from them as they say, "But Mum! You can post this picture on your blog!"

5. Tolerating their constant threatening to give me a box of used band aids for my birthday. Of all things kid-esque which gross me out (including kids throwing up as I'm a sympathy spewer, dirty toenails, smooth peanut butter and the gagging smell of sweat in DD's gymnastics club) - dirty bandaids are the single most disgusting thing in the entire world. Literally, they give me a gag reflex. My hatred of bandaids (all of them, even clean ones, really gross me out...have you ever smelled them? That plasticky cheap band-aid smell? Ugghhh) has only recently become apparent to my kids, and they LOVE to torture me with this. Ever since DS's banged knee required endless amounts of bandaids which he loved to pick off and leave around the place (including one which The Neighbour's Wife found IN HER MAILBOX!) I am surrounded by the damn things. Please, please make it stop!

...so, tell me. What things do you do for your kids which you never thought you would have to? (and let's try to stay light hearted, shall we?)

The Ones That Count

Sometimes you get a customer who really gets to you...and you just can't get them out of your head. A few weeks ago a lady called me asking about cupcakes for a first birthday, as it was shortly going to be her granddaughter's party and they wanted a very specific look for the event. The mother, sister, and grandmother all came in to see me, with baby in tow and a whole lot of reference photos for me to look at. The Mum wanted four different designs, and was really specific about flavours, colours, shapes, etc. She had the cupcakes planned to the very last detail.

Strangely, during the consult the Mum (of the birthday girl) seemed very miserable. Didn't really engage with me, hardly spoke to me ... she just didn't seem like a lot of the (sometimes frazzled) young mothers I see in my kitchen. Most of them are happy and excited to be talking about birthday cake. To be honest, I thought she wasn't at all happy with what I offered her. When they left, I assumed she would go somewhere else - so I was quite surprised to get an email a few days later, asking about paying a deposit.

When I spoke to the grandmother again, the story was revealed. Turns out this young Mum (she is only 21 years old) has brain cancer, and the prognosis isn't looking good. It is a real possibility for this family that she will never see another one of her daughter's birthdays. For that reason, the family was pulling out all the stops for this first birthday party, getting every detail exactly right and making it a real celebration of both of their lives. She was miserable that day because not only was she in the middle of a round of treatment, but she was probably also thinking about the birthday parties she may never get to be a part of.

When the cupcakes were picked up, the Aunt said, "These are perfect! Exactly what was in the picture. She's going to LOVE these! Thank you so much!" She was so effusive, and so grateful...and my heart just ached and ached for this family. I know I can't do anything for them...other than make them exactly the cupcakes they wanted for their special celebration.

You know what? It's not much, but I know it's going to make this Mum happy. For her, at the moment, I'm guessing it's all about the small happiness she can glean from every day spent with her daughter. This pastry biz might not change the world, but if it makes this sick Mum's day a bit brighter, it will all be worth it.

Pretty In Pink

This cake was made for a repeat customer - I made their christening cake about 6 weeks ago, and now they are celebrating their little girl's first birthday. On this one I could do whatever I wanted as long as the fairy figurine was on top - the Mum wanted the figurine as a real focal point and a keepsake for her little girl.

I'm posting it just because I really like how it came out. I used elements of other cakes which I like making - the bubble border from the chicken/bubbles cake, the butterfly from the garden cake, and the sugar flowers from all those cupcakes I bake. I also think the yellow works as a good highlight colour with all that pink. Plus I am addicted to cake bling, so of course I had to have a few silver cachous on there, too. While there is a lot of "stuff" on this cake, I just think it came out really sweet and nice. Perfect for a first birthday which is fun and yet elegant at the same time, and it really reflects the family's focus on their pinky-girly little girl.

When the Mum came to pick it up, she said, "Whoah. You must have spent ages on this!" ... and while I did, you know, it was an absolute pleasure. I get a real kick out of spending time on cakes for people who are not only courteous and nice, but also willing to let me do my own thing.

Just posting this because looking at the picture makes me smile...here's hoping it does the same for you.

More Retro Baking

Surely by now the NordicWare Company would have contacted me and said, "Hey, emzee, thanks for single-handedly bringing back the glory days of Bundt Cake baking. Here's another Bundt shape for you to try!" Sadly, the good people at NordicWare haven't done that, so my poor readers are left with a picture which looks frighteningly similar to those I've posted before.

This time it was DH who got to pick a cake flavour for the week. He's not one for chocolate things (he likes his dark, and prefers to have it unbaked!) - but he loves citrus things of all kinds. I can almost always pick what dessert he'll have - if it involves lime, orange, or lemon, it's an almost guaranteed order. One of his most favourite treats is those horrible orange peels coated in dark chocolate.

Anyway, he picked the Bundt of the Week as Orange Mint Pound Cake. I wasn't terribly keen on the idea, but then I'm not huge fans of either of those flavours. Still, he's a great hubby and he hardly ever asks for something, so I have to throw the man a bone once in a while, right?

In this case he was totally right - this cake is delicious! Really moist, lovely soft velvety crumb, and the sugaring of the pan gives it a really delicate crust which works well against the soft inside. The mint flavour is quite subtle at first, but the after taste is distinctly fresh mint, and we both noticed the flavour got more intense after a couple of days. It bakes very slowly for a long time, which contributes to it's texture and makes your kitchen smell heavenly.

Another fabulous, ridiculously easy cake which works for grown ups and kids alike.


Orange Mint Pound Cake
1 1/4 cups sugar (in Australia, caster sugar. In the US, fine sugar but not confectioner's)
1 cup butter, softened
1 T chopped mint (you could probably double this)
3/4 cup milk
3 eggs
2 1/4 cups plain flour
1 Tbs grated orange peel
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda

Heat oven to 160/300. Grease your Bundt pan, and put in about 1/2 cup of sugar (extra). Over a sink, turn the pan around until the sugar coats the pan. Add more sugar if necessary, but be sure not to leave a big scoop of it. Once the surfaces are covered, tip out the excess.

Mix sugar, softened butter and mint until very light and fluffy. Add milk and mix well. Add all remaining ingredients and mix to smooth, about 2 minutes. Spoon into a pan.

Bake for 60-85 minutes (mine took 60) until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then flip onto a wire rack and allow to cool (or not. Eat it warm as we did.)

Enjoy!

Blogging By Mail

I love the Internet primarily because it makes the world a smaller place, and it opens up so many opportunities, particularly among the food-loving community. It's through the Internet that I've met fabulous people (Hello, DH and hello, Tatonka Family) and had the chance to experience things I would not otherwise have experienced. Recently I took part in a Blogging By Mail exchange, with a foodie twist. Organised by Stephanie over at The Happy Sorceress, the plan was to send 10 food or food-related items to someone. This was not an even exchange, so the person you sent your goodies to was not the person you received it from. I was lucky enough to get a box of treats from Tammy over at Boston Food & Whine.

She sent me a whole lot of Autumn inspired foods and treats from her local area - I adore getting mail of any kind, but getting a themed (to location and season) box was a real treat. Among other things I got the world's biggest container of Marshmallow Fluff, some Pumpkin Butter, a Boston Red Sox Pez dispenser, some candy corn, real Vermont maple syrup, a cookbook...and loads of other delicious, fun things to try. When I got the box it had heaps of quarantine stickers on it - which isn't really unusual to see. As Australia is an island and once bugs get here, we can't get rid of them - quarantine rules are particularly stringent. My niece once sent me some project she made at school and the whole thing was seized because it was in a cardboard egg carton, which is not allowed! Who knew egg cartons were the harbingers of bacterial gloom?

When I opened Tammy's box there was this huge letter with a brochure telling me that an item had been seized. The item was listed as "20g of dried leaves" - so there I was thinking that Tammy was both liberal and brave to be sending me some pot in the mail! I assumed she had seen this blog (because we all got the recipients blog addresses) and maybe she thought I'd make some hash brownies?! Might as well put my baking skills to good use, right?


Quarantine gave me the option of either a) writing and telling them to destroy the item or b) paying to have it shipped back to Tammy. I thought I'd better check with Tammy before I shipped my precious drugs back to her. Turns out the 20g of dried leaves...was exactly that, DRIED LEAVES! She assumed (correctly) that there isn't much here in the way of fall foilage changing colours, so she had collected some leaves from her garden and sent them.

Damn. No pot for me, I guess.

Sadly, you can't smoke a letter from the Quarantine office, no matter how small you chop it up.

Retro Baking

I read a heck of a lot of baking blogs. Over time, I've come to realise that the ones I enjoy reading the most are those which showcase things which real people, with no pastry skills to speak of, can enjoy. As a result I tend to post those kinds of recipes here, the ones which I think are easy, quick and delicious. No need for special tins, no need for a kitchen blowtorch. Simple, easy things which your Mom and your Mom's Mom probably baked at some point.

Lucky for me there seem to be people out there who enjoy this kind of thing, as I've gotten some really nice comments thanking me for the family friendly stuff I post here. Let's face it - while I can make things like Gatueax St Honore...why should I? My audience, while appreciative, would rather eat the kid stuff (as an after-school snack.) The time I have, combined with the rest of my chaotic life - well, it lends itself to the no mess, no fuss - mix it, bake it, eat it method of pastry cheffing. As a result of this, I sometimes wonder if I am somehow "dumbing down" my own pastry skills...allowing them to gather dust in the corners of my mind while my hands mix yet another no-effort Bundt cake.

The conclusion I've reached is that baking for me is a way of loving other people, and loving myself. The myself bit is the therapy I get from measuring, pouring, mixing - and the other people bit is the joy on my family and friend's faces as I cut them another slice of something.

To that end I think I find myself wishing that there was some sort of book like this - filled with the baking recipes which generations of women have made for their families and their friends. The things which didn't require fancy ingredients, expensive utensils, and 4 hours to make. If I wrote a book like that (and I might have to, someday) I think I'd call it Retro Baking. Baking as it was...and as it should be.

Cakes like this are perfect for my fantasy book, and it has a beautifully soft texture which goes perfect with a glass of milk. Exactly the kind of thing June Cleaver would have under a cake dome on her kitchen bench, perfect for after-school snacking.

Chocolate Chip Bundt Cake
1 3/4 cup sugar
2/3 cup butter, softened
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp almond extact (I used it but couldn't discern it in the final product, so I'd call this optional)
3 cups flour
1 1/3 cups milk
1 cup mini choc chips
1 tablespoon baking powder
3/4 tsp salt

Heate oven to 325/170. Grease a Bundt pan and set aside.

In a mixer, beat the sugar, butter, eggs and extracts until very light and fluffy. Add the remaining ingredients and mix well. Plop into the prepared pan - it's a thick batter.

Bake for 55-65 minuts or until a toothpick comes out clear. Cool 10 minutes and flip out - eat warm, it's delish.

(Note: The original recipe suggest you can top this with a glaze. IMHO, not necessary. Also I used normal size choc chips, so I didn't get as even a distribution as I would like.)

Ridiculous

You know you are obsessively compulsive about winning and over achieving when...

You get the results of your Pap smear in the mail, you read them, and then do a big air punch while saying, "YES! I passed! Whoo hoo!"

Sad, but true.

I Give Present For You

Seasonal cooking is one of the things which chefs love, for a myriad of reasons. Things which are in season tend to taste at their best (always a good thing), be in plentiful supply, and of course are much cheaper than they are at other times of the year. One of the other advantages to cooking seasonally is that you are often supporting local Australian economy - better to eat mangoes from Queensland in November than to eat them in May from somewhere in South America.

We've recently been turned onto a new produce store, where one of the fabulous benefits is that load you up with tons of free stuff when you leave. DH came home from said shop with a whole bunch of fruits which we don't normally get. When I laughed at the entire bag of mangoes he came home with, he shrugged and said, "Well, the lady just shoved them at me and said 'I give present for you' so I took 'em and said thanks."

Problem with free stuff is that you get what you pay for - so most of these mangoes were past their eat-by date. Just that little bit too squishy to be nice, but not so squishy that I could not salvage them. So let's consider the facts: a) a big bag o' mangoes, b) summertime, c) ice cream o'clock love and d) I just bought a new stick blender which was begging for a work out.

Voila! Mango Ice Cream, of course. I've never made ice cream other than at culinary school, so I let my fingers do the Googling and I came up with 3 different options. One, a creamy recipe which used only cream. Two, a creamy recipe which used condensed milk (which I love and adore and would eat with a spoon if it was socially acceptable). Finally, a mango sorbet.

In truth, ALL of them were delicious, but they all could have done with more stirring about. The main issue was that we don't own an ice cream maker, so there was rather a lot of having to go and manually whisk every hour or so, for AN ENTIRE DAY. Not your usual "can't be fucked messing with this!" emzee effort. I'd also forgotten how much I hate the whole creamy/fruity thing - I prefer my creamy flavours to be non-fruit based. You know those ice creams which are icy on the outside and vanilla ice cream on the inside? They make me want to HURL. When we go eat gelati, I decide in advance if I'm going fruity or creamy - because the idea of putting a fruit-based gelati on the same cone as a creamy-based gelati is totally horrible.

All that being said, the official verdict was as follows:
#1 (cream only) was the most mango-ish of the whole lot, and had a much richer colour
#2 (cream and condensed milk) had the best texture and best overall flavour
#3 (sorbet) was seriously, firghteningly, utterly fabulous

People, it's time. Go forth and get thee some mangoes. (Preferably for free.) (Or come to my house, there are 2 left.)

In this picture, from top right, clockwise it's sorbet, ice cream #1, ice cream #2

Mango Ice Cream Version One
2 ripe mangoes
1 orange
1 lime
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup cream, whipped

Peel and slice the mangoes, then whizz up in a blender until pureed. Add in the orange juice, lime juice and sugar. Puree a bit more, then tip into a large bowl. Fold in the whipped cream, pour into a freezer-safe container and freeze for 45 minutes. Remove from freezer and whisk until smooth. Return to the freezer and whisk again after 20 minutes, then leave in the freezer overnight or until solid.


Mango Ice Cream Version Two
500 ml cream
14 oz can of condensed milk
2-3 mangoes, pureed
Pistachio nuts, chopped (optional)

Beat the cream and condensed milk well. Add the mangoes and nuts (if using) and whisk again. Put in a bowl with a tight lid and freeze. Whick every hour, about 5-6 times and then leave to set 6-8 hours or overnight.


Mango Sorbet
4 mangoes, peeled, seeded and cubed
1 cup sugar syrup
3 limes, juiced

To make sugar syrup: bring 1 cup water and 1 cup sugar to the boil until sugar dissolves. Remove from heat and allow to cool.

Place everything in a food processor and wizz until purreed. Pleace in an ice cream maker or a bowl with a lid and whisk every hour until your patience wears thin, then allow to freeze overnight.

Hallo-what?

Halloween in Australia is a decidedly hit-or-miss sort of affair. It's not really advertised much, but various party shops will sell Halloween themed stuff, and sometimes bakeries will have Halloween specials. As for the trick-or-treating, well - it happens in some neighbourhoods and not in others, although how you work out if yours is a trick or treating neighbourhood is beyond me.

Some parents were talking about this whole thing on Friday.One Mum said that previously, she had no idea what Halloween was, so when some random kid showed up asking for candy her response was, "Candy? Why would I give you candy? Bugger off!" Ha! I love it. Endless episodes of Scooby Doo means my kids know what Halloween is, but also understand that it's just not the done thing in Australia.

All three of my kids are huge fans of dress-up, regardless of the day of the month - we have endless fairies, palace guards, "two headed messy hair monsters," aliens, explorers, pirates, ghosts...and so on. Most of their costumes are home-made from bits and pieces they find around the house - bandannas, bits of cardboard, my chef aprons, whatever. DD1 is particularly clever in this regard, and has a fabulous imagination.

When I left for work this afternoon, I was very content in the knowledge that my house was being guarded by this creature:


I'm not sure what is more scary about this - the penguin-patterned footsie pajamas, the stainless steel bowl which is clearly intercepting messages from outer space, or the edward scissorhands green onion nails. Either way it's making me glad I own a handbag which says "If you think I'm nuts, you should meet my children!"

The Official Start of Summer

About 2 blocks from where we live is a massive public pool - it's got 3 different pools, loads of diving boards, a beach volleyball court and so on. Because it's all outdoors, it's only open from Nov 1 - March 31. Since it's close to home we drive by every day, sometimes several times a day. If the kids are in the car, it usually means there is a lot of complaining about the pool being closed. Like a lot of Australian children, they are total water babies - comfortable in and obsessed with water from a very young age. Anyone who watches the Summer Olympics would know that the Aussies always give the Americans a run for their money - and this year, the kids were all wanting to know which team I would be cheering for. Me being me, I just said I'd cheer for whoever looked best in those razor swim outfits they squeeze into.

But I digress (as usual.) So for months now the kids have been wanting to know WHEN the pool is going to finally open. I promised that we could go on the very first day, provided the weather cooperated. Melbourne being what it is, Nov 1 dawned wet, and miserable, and overcast. No pool going for us. Nov 2nd dawned sunny and bright and perfect for swimming, so away we went.

FOUR HOURS of pool time later and the hungry three were, well, hungry! A good time was had by all, especially me who can now sit by the pool with the newspaper and let the trio swim themselves exhausted. Not surprisingly, getting them out of bed this morning was a bit of an effort (for DH. Not me. I don't do early rising.)

Ahh...summer in Melbourne. Yesterday, swims and sunscreen. Today? Pissing down rain. Regardless of the weather, I'm in for several months of happy, healthy, hungry kids - which is exactly as it should be.

Culinary Genius

You know how they say that a baby 'imprints' onto the first thing it sees when it opens it's eyes? I think the same is true of food. We imprint certain tastes and textures onto our culinary psyche and when we taste it again, we get transported back to the time or place where we ate that thing. Recently I discovered that this culinary memory can start to take root from a very young age.

Way back when the kids were about 3 years old, my son had this minor obsession about spreads. Specifically, different sorts of spreads on toast. The deal was that he wanted toast with ALL of the following - butter, jam, peanut butter and Vegemite - on one piece of toast. At the time there was a whole procedure about it, how the jam had to be second from the bottom - so that effectively it could "hide" under the next two layers, and not a spot of jam could be seen from the top. Henceforth a family 'recipe' of "toast with jam hiding" was born.

For reasons I can't recall, DS stopped demanding his jam hiding toast ... most likely because I threw a tantrum at being a short order cook about breakfast meals, but possibly just because he grew out of that culinary phase. As is common for their age, my trio are obsessed by childhood stories - mine, their own, their grandparents...anyone, really, who can spin a good yarn about what it was like "when you were a baby." As it happens I've got some seriously good stories, because as a child I was notorious for getting seriously, hideously, horribly lost. ALL the time.

Anyway. So one of the recent stories I've told them is about how much they used to eat as toddlers. A ridiculous amount, especially at breakfast time - something like 10 Vita-Brits between them. There was a point in time when we would easily motor through 18 litres of milk a week. Thus the story of the jam hiding toast came out of the family food lore cupboard. Initially DS thought this sounded hideous and didn't want to try it again...but then curiosity won over disgust and he asked me to make him some.

Admittedly, I didn't bother with covering every last skerrick of jam like I used to, but I DID slather on all four toppings. He took a bite, a bit hesitantly, and then as he chewed broke into a giant grin and said, "HEY! I remember this flavour! I remember eating this!" and proceeded to happily devour the entire thing and tell me how totally fabulous it was and what a COOKING GENIUS he must have been as a three year old.

Yes. Well. There's me off to buy some jam, then.

Kodak Moments

Firstly, parental bragging rights: DD1 just passed her second gymnastics exam, moving her up to the next level of frighteningly flexible moves and scary things like the vault. DS also moved up a level in cricket, which for him means the excitement of getting his own cup to protect his family jewels (you should have SEEN the excitement this generated...) and DD passed her ballet exam "with merit" a mere two points below "with distinction." Considering how freakin' coordinated all these kids are, it's a wonder they are related to me. But then, given my sewing and cooking pursuits, it's a wonder I am related to MY Mom - who has neither time nor desire to sew or cook.

It's been a while since I've posted some pictures of my kiddos (just for fun as opposed to just for ritual humiliation), so here are some for your viewing pleasure:

DD2 proving that it's never to early to start slave labour...

DS giving his mother a heart attack. Get DOWN from there!

Okay, if your sister gets up there, then this is no longer scary.
This is now a photo op!

Sisters, friends, frenemies. Pick your moment. Actually this photo reminds me of why so many people claim that they cannot tell them apart.

DD1 at the Royal Melbourne Show. This kid is all about adventure, and all about legs. Seriously, her legs start at her ankles and continue on until infinity. Please, god, may she stay this thin and leggy forever, even if it means I will have to become an expert at letting down hems.

And finally, the trio...all dressed and make-uped for their school concert a month or so ago. Proof positive they are capable of standing still and smiling all at the same time. Pity it took several thousand shots, a lot of yelling, and eventually some begging (all on my part.)

Floppin' About

The biggest debate raging in Casa Verde at the moment is all about DH's penis.

I'll allow you to digest that sentence for a moment.



Yeah, okay, so DH and I are debating his penis. Namely, that he totally doesn't mind wandering around the house all stark nekkid in front of the kids. Now before you go thinking he is a pervert, let me give you the background story.

In DH's family, they're pretty open about these things. They have no issue with privacy, wandering around naked, and in general being pretty 'free' when it comes to bodies and bodily functions. Fer cripes's sake, these people have bathrooms with louvered doors. So you can HEAR and SMELL and almost, kinda, if you look at it from the correct angle, SEE what is happening in there. These bathroom doors totally drive me insane, and yet they see nothing wrong with it. Okay, fine, be that way. Me? I'm picking the toilet as far away from other humans as I can, and then I am doing my Kegel exercises mid-flow to make sure my pee is not too loud. But that's just me.

My family, on the other hand, is totally NOT open about anything like that. Okay, we make more than our fair share of fart and poop jokes, but we certainly don't wander around naked, we don't talk about sex, and our bathroom doors were manufactured by the same people who make the doors for bank vaults. My sex talk consisted of "Ask your sister!" and my sister's sex talk was "Whatever you don't know, ask your friends." What we do, we do behind steel-reinforced closed doors, and for heaven's sake we don't then discuss it!

Then the kids came along, and DH was all for a free, hang-it-all-out household. I resisted this for a long time, until it became easier to just let them come into the bathroom and ask me the i-will-die-now-if-you-don't-answer-me-Mummy question than it was to listen to the progressively louder screaming and crying and pounding on the door. Ours, too, became a liberal free love hippy household. In truth, I don't really like it that way but I've been too lazy and too tired to bother with bringing back some decorum. Also, I don't really have a great REASON for bringing back decorum, since now my kids have seen it all anyway.

However. They are now 7, and hurling head first into pre-teen-dome, and I think it's time that DH (and I) covered up a bit. So last weekend when he went to turn on the TV for them, while he was in the complete nuddy nuddy nude...I said, "You know, maybe it's time you put on some unides if you're going to do that." He gave me a wide-eyed look and said, "Good God Woman! WHY?" (Okay, okay, he just said, "Why?" The rest added for creative licence purposes.)

I could think of no better answer than to say, "Well, you know...there comes a certain time in one's life when your Dad's penis becomes, you know, embarrassing....and I think you should put it away before the girls have to muster up the courage to tell me to tell you that your penis flapping about is kinda embarrassing."

DH is aghast at this, and thinks I'm completey crazy. He sees nothing wrong with the whole thing, and to be fair, other than ungodly hour TV duty, he mostly keeps it covered. Still, I just think it's kinda...well...yucky.

So, dear readers (now that I have some! Whee!) tell me. Penis in or penis out?

Messy Yet Healthy

I am constantly frustrated at the sheer amounts of crap my kids own, and their complete inability to put stuff away. It's not unusual for me to find hair clips in planters, and ballet tights in shopping bags, and totally "essential" plastic pieces of crap "hiding" in my shoes. The house we live in, while pretty roomy, is totally lacking in storage. The main bedrooms all have these itty-bitty closets - with sloping shelves on top so you can't fit more than one sweater up there. My kids have no place to actually put their endless amounts of stuff, which means they leave their stuff absolutely everywhere but where it should be.

This inability to store stuff has led to two interesting skill sets. Firstly, my ability to throw out endless amounts that nobody notices (not even you, DH). Secondly, it has made my kids very creative at good excuses for not putting stuff away. I once shouted at DD2 to put her stuff away, and she shouted back, "WHERE? There is nowhere TO put my stuff away!" This of course took the wind out of my sails and I just stood there laughing like a moron. End result, nothing got put away and she won that round.

Recently I asked DS to put his beloved elephant away - an elephant which is on it's last...trunk, so to speak. The poor guy has so many holes, and so little stuffing, that he's basically just a pale grey rag who has had all his fur loved off. DS, being all boy, still treats his elephant like it's a football and flings it about with gay abandon - a habit which pisses me off enormously. Does he not GET that it's the last vestige of his babyhood, and therefore should really be saved in a glass box with a "do not touch or else" sign on it? Does he not get that the minute he stops loving that thing, I will sit and CRY about my baby boy not being a baby anymore?

Clearly not, if his idea of putting him away is this:


...and of course, when I asked WHY the elephant was in the fruit basket, instead of in, I don't know, YOUR ROOM, I got this as an answer:

"Because elephants need to have a healthy diet, too, and fruit is his favourite food. This way he won't go hungry!"

...and this conversation was closely followed by DD2 "rescuing" elephant from the fruit basket and saying, "Oh my god! Doesn't DS KNOW that an elephant can be CRUSHED TO DEATH by an orange? DS, you need to respect your belongings! How dare you?!"

Amen to that, little one. Amen to that!