I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

In The Middle of The Night

So this morning we enjoyed the late breakfast company or Drs J & M, who admitted to us that in the wee hours of the morning, they were thinking up imaginary charges in restaurants. So, for example, if you bring your own wine (a common practice in Australia), a restaurant may charge you a "corkage" fee to literally open and pour the bottle. The delightful doctors have since come up with such gems as "porkage" (for when you bring in your own pig), "dorkage" (for when you BYO nerd to dinner?) and so on and so forth....clearly, one loses all sense of normalcy at 4am. Apparently it all got very silly very quickly. The crazy thing is, I didn't find this quirky activity all that strange. I myself have a middle-of-the-night thinking activity, and this is it: crappy rhyming jokes. Jokes which are AWFUL, which I make up on the spot, and tell long-suffering DH, and he has to STAY AWAY OMG OMG THIS ONE IS SOOOO FUNNY and then listen to my laughing through it for several minutes before I can tell it. Eventually I tell it, he says a droll, "yeah. very funny. goodnight." and tries to roll over and ignore me. Note I said *tries* to roll over and ignore me.

Seconds pass.

I wait in the darkness.

I think.

I smile. I suppress a giggle. I momentarily think that I should be nice, that DH needs his sleep, that I should just...OMG but this one is SOOO funny!

I say, "OKAY! WAIT! You gotta hear this one too!" and then I deliver the joke (more of a riddle really) and make him try and think of the answer. I give him about 2.3 nanoseconds before I yell, "Give up?" and I shout the answer and start giggling, and so on and so forth. Repeat ad nauseum, until he literally begs for mercy.

Yeah, I think DH should get a medal too.

Here are some examples of my bad late night jokes:

(based on words ending in -ellow)
Q: What do you call a guy rolled in turmeric?
A: A yellow fellow

Q: What do you call a really laid back guy?
A: A mellow fellow

Q: What do you call a guy with a really loud voice?
A: A bellow fellow

Q:What do you call a red guy whose body jiggles?

All together now....
A Jell-O Fellow!

(and yet more, ending in 'undies')
Q: What do you call dirty underwear?
A: Grundies

Q: What do you call fat people's underwear?
A: Ton-dies

Q: What do you call Outback Australian underwear?
A: Dundies! (as in Crocodile...)

Q: What do you call underwear you wear at a party?
A: Fun-dies

.....yes, I'm sitting this and laughing so hard that it's hard to type. Fundies! HA! I said FUNdies!

Oh dear god. Now I've lost it completely.


DH said...

Not only did she lose it, she spent the next hour cackling maniacally and revisiting all the jokes ...

... it continued until the wee small hours, again.


p.s. I really don't mind (most of the time) and some of them are actually very clever and very funny.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

Ohh, DH! Now you've admitted that my jokes are clever and funny, this gives me yet more excuses to keep you awake: "Come on! You KNOW you think I'm funny!"

...and for anyone else reading this, here's a new one from last night:

Q: What do you call the underwear of a baker?
A: BUN-dies!

...and one more I'd forgotten from the Drs:

BYO cutlery - a "forkage" charge.



The Bakers Wife said...

Bun-dies has just become part of our household vocabulary. That is quality!

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