John Merrick's Remains

Yesterday NN and I had a crazy cake making day - everything from pretty-in-pink two tiered christening cakes to Paul Smith striped cakes to the world's most annoying house-shaped cake (which leaned so far over as to look as though it had been built in Pisa.) As usual we spent our time in true confessions, talking about the stuff we wouldn't normally have the guts to talk about face to face. It's one of the advantages to working next to someone - your eyes and hands are busy concentrating on the task at hand, so your mouth tends to run on...and on...and on.

Yesterday was also one of those days where the radio throws a tantrum. I was given this crappy radio to use in the kitchen. Because of how much metal is around (and no windows to speak of), you can only get a few stations, and most of those are playing static of the 80s, 90s and today. Funny how static sounds the same as it did back in 1984, isn't it?

As a result of all this confession talk and crap radio business, we had to listen to one of four CD's I've got in there...all of which were bands NN had never heard of (with the exception of Billy Joel.) I popped in the Bare Naked Ladies CD, which brought up the song "A million dollars." The song is basically a love song, talking about all the things the person would buy, if only they had that elusive million dollars.

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones)

If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

This song got me thinking about what I would buy if I had a million dollars. The rules of the game were that it had to be a selfish purchase - no giving money to charity, no giving money to friends or family. Pure, unadulterated GREED.

NN wanted a car. A super gorgeous, sleek black sex-on-wheels sort of car. Plus some other stuff like a personal stylist (OMG, Trinny and Susannah!) and other bits.

Me? I want a house.

Not just any house. I want to knock down my existing house and replace it with a custom built Fasham Johnson home. Once I got done building my house - which is a fully sustainable, state of the art eco-home complete with water tanks, wind turbine, and insulation made of hemp blah blah - I'd spend all the change on the details of the house.

Egyptian cotton bath sheets which coordinate.

6 billion threadcount sheets.

A fully kitted out professional grade kitchen, WITH the stainless pots and pans to match.

Underfloor heating.

Heated towel racks in every bathroom.

A shower so big, you can hold Dancing With The Stars competitions in in (but of course the water is recycled.)

A leather couch so scrumptious, you need a crane (or some interesting rope arrangement) to help you get out of it.

...and so on and so forth. I'd probably spent well beyond my million dollar budget - but this was my fantasy game afterall.

We were sitting down for lunch (Best sandwiches ever, NN. I love you and your tuna goodness.) and I said, "So, now that we've spent our own million, let's spend a million on each other. What would you get for me?"

Funny how the world tells you things you already knew - that the things you WANT are not always the things you NEED.

NN? She would buy me a car. A big one to fit kids and cakes and whatnot.
Me? I'd buy NN a house.

What would you buy with your totally selfish million? Better yet, what would you buy a friend?