I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

My Beloved Zoom Zoom

Yes, I drive a car this small.
Note: Cars in this picture may appear bigger than they actually are.

Internet, tell me the truth.

Doesn't everyone sing loudly enough in their car that the entire world can hear them, AND have the radio up so loud that the driver's seat is actually vibrating....not to mention using an empty Diet Coke bottle (or Pepsi Max bottle if you're desperate) as a microphone? My car is my cone of silence, so whatever I do in there cannot be seen or heard by ANYONE else, especially the jerk in the car next to me who is laughing his head off.

My car is my personal temple. I adore every single last scrap of cheap Asian metal and plastic and upholstery in it.

Seriously. I feel the need to blog about my car, my little bit o' freedom. I drive the BESTEST car in the world. It is very small. It's square. It gets ridiculously good gas mileage, and before the price of oil went to six jillion a barrel, it cost me about $20 to fill up. The trunk (boot for you Aussies) is a total Tardis - it easily fits 3 backpacks, a pair of shoes, 10 or so tapes from the 80's, seventy thousand cupcakes and 14 circus clowns (with wigs and unicycles!) Because the damn thing is so small, I can park in odd-shaped places and really tiny spots at the end of rows. I can park totally illegally in tiny not-really-a-space-spaces because a cop takes one look at it and says, "Awwww! How cute!" and wanders away to ticket an SUV taking up 4 spaces on either side.

It was the very first thing I bought myself when I moved to Australia, and I bought it in part with some inheritance I got from my grandmother. My grandmother was a feisty, smart, independant kind of lady - so I KNEW she would approve of my buying myself this little scrap heap of feisty, smart independance. It's also kinda dorky looking...and yes, of course, it's GREEN. I think some people wonder how I fit in it, given how small it is and how not small I am. Truly sometimes I wonder how I fit in it, but I do. I even fit in when I was 8 months pregnant with the triplets, and yet I simply HAD TO go to KMart right then and there or I would surely DIE.

Granted, I made that shopping trip with the back of the seat almost inclined so as to be lying in the backseat, and every time I came to a red light I'd sag back and breathe a sigh of relief because my arm muscles were burning from holding me up. Still, my little car got me and my big ol' belly there and back in one piece and for this reason alone my car deserves a medal.

Sadly, the time has come to hang up the itty bitty car keys. It's already 12 years old, it has a TAPE PLAYER (yes, really) in it, and it's kinda starting to die a very, very slow death. Plus the kids are now at the age where they want to bring friends home, and we can't do that in the world's smallest car unless we employ some bungy straps for roof-mounting of small children.

Problem is, you cannot find a seven seater car which a) is not a soccer mom totally uncool car, b) gets decent gas mileage so as not to totally annihilate the environment. This kind of car simply does not exist. I don't want a bloody SUV, I don't want a *gasp!* people mover, and I don't want anything which looks like it needs a bumper sticker which says: My Honour Student Can Kick The Ass of Your Honour Student (even if it's true.)

If I had my way (which, of course, I don't), I would really, really want to drive one of these:
It's totally customisable, costs about 20 grand (eg cheap!), gets a ridiculous amount of kilometres to the gallon, and can be parked in someone's pocket. I ADORE the smart car.

Problem? a) It definitely does not fit 3 kids, one mother, some cupcakes and some random other kids and b) I'm pretty sure my fat ass won't fit in unless I employ the Vaseline and get the kids to pull from the other side method.


My latest invention is to get a K'nex or Meccano set of smart cars. So you can kinda add or remove ones you need, in a chain arrangement. Just me? One smartcar. Me and kids? Two smartcars. Me, kids, cake? Three smartcars. Me, kids, cake, friends? Four. See? How brilliant is this plan - you just add and remove smartcars as needed. Sadly, while I am married to an engineer, his automotive engineering skills are at least 20 years old. (Jewel: Ask your automotive engineer if he can jimmy this up for me?)

So if I want something which can fit a bunch of kids and be kinder and gentler on the environment, it looks like this is my only option:

Well, at least with all that cycling I'm bound to lose a few pounds!

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