Of Fathers and Sons

The trio were conceived via IVF - something which I have no problem sharing with people who ask, because I find they are often being nosy because either they or someone they love has been through a similar experience. It's also something which we've been very open about with the kids. The "how did you get pregnant, Mummy?" question is one which I've had to deal with fairly early on.

It's now part of bedtime story lore that, "...we had to go see some special doctors, blah blah and then you three miracles were born." I often refer to them as my miracle children because I really believe that their conception - their mere existence - IS a miraculous event. Our infertility was both male and female related: reproduction-wise, we're both totally buggered. I remember one OB/GYN telling us that as individuals we had close to zero chance of conceiving, but as a couple we had less than zero chance. Niiicceee.

One of the hurdles we had to jump was doing some genetic testing for DH - to see if his problem was genetically based. I suppose if the answer were yes, we would have to really think long and hard about continuing on that path to parenthood. Luckily, the answer was that no genetic abnormalities were detected. Plain and simple, DH's reproductive roll of the dice was just bad luck. Over the years, the possibiity of this same bad luck happening to my son is something I've thought about. A bedtime story is one thing, but what about when he wants to father his own children? How will I explain that he may not be able to? Actually the issue applies to the girls as well - because it's more likely than not that they will inherit my issues, too. (Don't say I never give them anything!)

It was with some interest - and a hearty dose of fear - that I read this article, all about the sons of infertile fathers. In specific, one paragraph freaked me out:

"The whole issue raises the science-fiction prospect of a society in which many men can’t father children naturally. According to one estimate in the journal Nature Genetics, if even half of affected men used ICSI to have kids, the incidence of severe male factor infertility could double nationwide within seven generations."

The article goes on to quote several infertile fathers who basically think that, by the time their sons have grown to reproductive age, IVF will be just another medical procedure - and hence not all that worrying.

It's true that advances in science have meant that IVF procedures and success rates are better than they have ever been...but it's also true that I wouldn't wish that process on my worst enemy, let alone my children. Now there is no absolute guarantee they will have any issues of infertility, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it now and again. I also have to wonder if, when, and how we'll tell them the more intimate details about it all. I suppose the day will come when they will ask us directly, at which point I plan on being as honest about it as I've been until now. (Which is to say, full disclosure at an age-appropriate level.)

If you're someone who has experienced this, what is your take on it? How much do we tell our children of our experiences? When do we tell them? Do you ever worry about having passed on your reproductive issues to them? The bigger question is really this: By even using processes like IVF, are we altering the future population? Are we in effect messing with the future? How much are we messing up the population by allowing these "mutations" to carry onwards? Fact is, 20 or even 10 years ago, these kinds of procedures were not available. Couples like us just wouldn't be able to have biological children - we'd have stopped this mutation dead in it's tracks. because we could not pass it on to our children. By using IVF, we've allowed it to move forward ... with little, if any, thought to the future generations. Is this the ultimate in selfish acts?