I Need A Stalker Boyfriend

What is it about female chefs and their stalker boyfriends? I've met dozens of female chefs, and nearly all of them have had some form of creepy stalker boyfriend. Head Chef #2 came and went at my job because she could not decide (on a daily basis) if she was going to bother showing up or not. In any case the powers that be decided for her not to invite her to return, but not before she told me all about her psycho ex-boyfriend. You know the one... who "borrowed" large sums of money from her, took advantage of her naive self, treated her like crap, smoked way too much Mary Jane and eventually forced her into some sort of break down. Eventually she got out from under his thumb, found a place to live on her own, and was busily trying to earn enough money to get out of (his) debt.

...and then he called her mobile in the middle of our shift, but she ignored it.

Today I met Head Chef #3, who is only working there temporarily until they can find victim Head Chef #4. So HC3 and I start talking, and she starts telling me, all excitedly, about how she's recently moved to a new house to get a fresh start. "Fresh start?" says I. "Did you hit a bit of a rough patch?"

"Oh yeah," says, she, "I have a psycho ex-boyfriend...." You know the one... who "borrowed" large sums of money from her, took advantage of her naive self, treated her like crap, smoked way too much Mary Jane and eventually forced her into some sort of break down. Eventually she got out from under his thumb, found a place to live on her own, and is busily trying to earn enough money to get out of (his) debt.

...and then he called her mobile in the middle of our shift, but she ignored it.

This was starting to sound all too familiar. I shit you not, these stories are totally true, and those phones really did ring. The only difference is that HC2's deadbeat boyfriend was Italian, and HC3's deadbeat boyfriend was from Brazil.

....and then MY mobile phone rang in the middle of our shift. I answered it, secretly hoping that I had a psycho deadbeat ex-boyfriend on the line, about whom I could brag as well. Sadly, it was someone wanting to know if I can make a bright red 3D sombrero cake.

Hmmm. Not much to brag about there, unless of course the cake is for someone's deadbeat ex-boyfriend to actually WEAR. Now THAT would be blog worthy!