Facebook Not Friends

Here's a lesson that Biz Guy taught me a long time ago: if doing something or someone makes you feel like crap, just don't do it anymore or don't see them anymore. I'm pretty sure he said it in a far more business-like and spiritual sort of way, but that's the gist of it. How often do we find ourselves engaging in an activity or investing energy in someone - which not only is not worth it, but also makes us feel kinda crappy? I don't know about you, but I used to do this a heck of a lot.  I kept people in my life who (for myriad reasons) just didn't really belong there. Maybe I kept them there because of shared history, maybe I met them once and liked them and so they stuck around, maybe someone else introduced us and we hit it off, but sometime later I decided they did not really 'do it' for me. It's not just people, sometimes I'll engage in activities which make me feel kinda sucky. A good example of this is the personal trainer I hired for 8 weeks (more on that in another post.) Somewhere aroundn the 5 week mark I realised it wasn't for me. I didn't do anything about it, I just kept going along - which is ridiculous, really, because isn't PT meant to boost you up, not bring you down? I literally kept trying to find reasons to miss my appointments.

Biz Guy's lesson is a really good one - because it reminds me that it's ME who is in control of what I do and who I engage with, ME who makes the decisions, and ME who can make a choice each time. I forget that sometimes, I really do. So how does this relate to my current life?

I used to have a very, very firm rule that (as much as it was reasonably possible to do), my personal life and my business life were to remain separate. You know, what my Dad would have called the, "Don't shit where you sleep," rule. Let's face it, I'm an open (loud mouthed) book and sometimes not a very nice book at all - and I don't think my work colleagues need to know that, do they? It's also not really their business what I do in my spare time - because that's exactly what it is, MY spare time. Unfortunately I kinda forgot that rule for a while, and so I became facebook friends with (very few) work colleagues - people who I thought I would get on with outside of work, people who just made me laugh, people who pushed my buttons in all the right ways. I'll even admit that it was ME who sent some friend requests.

And then - more than one of those people set about treating me in what I would consider a disrespectful manner. They didn't treat me with the same honesty and integrity I treated them with. I tolerated it for a while, I really did - too long of a while, if I'm honest. Then several posts and photos came and went which made me feel - you guessed it - pretty crappy. It really, really began to get under my skin, in a way only an ill-timed or not-thought-out facebook post can. You know, you start to read between the lines. You start to wonder who is telling you the truth, or even if anyone is. You start to wonder if it's YOU who is the moron here and the rest are laughing at how you got sucked in so easily. You start to wonder if...it's really worth your time being 'friends' with these people at all.

Guess what? It's not - because if doing something or someone makes you feel like crap, just don't do it anymore or don't see them anymore.

I spent a small part of my day yesterday unfriending a heap of people, the vast majority of which are business associates. I took the power back. I took my privacy (on facebook anyway) back. Yes, I'm fairly certain some of them read this blog - but that's okay, because I can't police this environment and in this space, I accept that it's open slather. On facebook, though - where I'm even less cautious than I am here - I don't want them in my happy space. I really don't. I can't even really explain just how much better I feel knowing those people are now out of that corner of my life. It feels....freeing.

So - I'm giving you Biz Guy's advice for free. Go get rid of something - or someone - that/who makes you feel like crap. Believe me when I say you'll find yourself wondering why you didn't do it much sooner.