I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Honour In Admitting Defeat

So I applied for this totally amazing job - really, in the category of that supposedly unattainable 'dream job' category. I got the job. I started the job. I resigned three days after I started it. I hated the job. At first I felt like a complete failure - but then I sat down and gave myself a stern talking to (and also got talked to by DH, and various excellent women friends). The reality is I CAN DO the job I was hired to do. Like my blog proclaims right at the top, I'm a damn fine pastry chef. However, the ability to do a job does not translate into the desire to to a job where the environment is toxic. I chose to leave that 'dream job' because basically I went home crying each of those 3 days. I am not, by nature, a crier (except maybe when I read those Nestle ads, LOL!) On the one hand, it's totally embarassing to have 'talked up' this job to all and sundry and then to have to admit that I hated nearly every minute of it. I have to go back to my family and friends and say, "Hey, you know that brilliant job I wouldn't shut up about? Yes, well, it's GAME OVER." What I have come to realise is, there is no shame in that. I hated the environment (physical as well as social) and I just didn't really fit in with the rest of the team. Additionally the hours and flexibility required would have put a major strain on my family....and there are not enough pastries in the world to equal the value of my family. I've only got ONE shot at raising these kids (since no others are planned) - and jobs, well, you know, there will always be someone wanting me to bake them something. I won't lie on my death bed thinking, "If only I'd spent more time piping buttercream shell borders!" I will lie on my deathbed thinking, "I made the right choices in my career, and if I didn't it doesn't matter since I'm lying here dying anyway." So this post is to say - there is great honour, not shame, in coming out and saying that while I could have chosen to stay, and probably made a great success of it - the choosing to leave is just as important. It has solidified for me the qualities I want in a job, the type of people I want to work with and for, and just how important the whole 'package' of a job is. At my old work there was a mature age apprentice who, after about 3 months, decided that commercial cooking wasn't for her - she loved the food, but hated working with it. I totally applaud her for making the career change in the first place (brave!) and then being even more brave in saying, you know what, this isn't for me! So, people - don't be afraid to just say, this isn't my thing. There will always, always, be other 'your things' out there.

...and on Monday I have three job interviews. So there!

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