I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

On flags and Jews in sport

Like every other school in the world, the trio's institute of education is obsessed with all things Olympics. Not, of course the things about the Olympics which make me want to hurl - you know, small things like POLLUTION, and HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS and MASS CONSUMERISM OF CHEAP STUFF LIKE T-SHIRTS and DRUG CHEATS. Instead they are focussing on all the happy little things like teamwork, global happiness, cute little mascots and other crap. Gotta love 'em. It's particularly funny because us Jews don't really, you know, DO sport. Sure, there have been a small handful of Jewish Olympians (Mark Spitz, I'm talkin' to YOU) but on the whole we just aren't great athletes. Unless you count eating, in which case we are world champs.

Case in point, on the front cover of the Australian Jewish News this week there is an article about the ONLY Jewish member of the Australian Olympic Team. Australia, a country who kicks some serious athletic ass in the summer Olympics, especially given the number of medals per head of population. So WHICH Olympic sport is this Jewish athlete playing in? Yes, people, it's the sport of extreme physical prowess and manliness: table tennis.

But I digress.

So the kids' school is doing a mini Olympics, with each teacher representing a country, and then a random assortment of kids get assigned to each country. For those who are curious, my house is now inhabited by the following:

1 x American (me)
1 x Australian (DH)
1 x American (DD1)
1 x Chinese (DS)
1 x South African (DD2)

We are nothing if not diverse and multicultural and...just don't mention the war, okay?

There I am in the playground when this really (nice but) annoyingly athletic teacher bounds up to me and says, "HEY! You're American!" (No SHIT, Sherlock.) Apparently she is the teacher who is representing the US in this mini-annihilation and she wants to know if she can borrow my US flag.

"Flag?" says I, "WHAT flag?"
"You know, your American flag!"
"And why, pray tell, would I even OWN an American flag?"
"Because, you know, you're American! I've got an Australian flag on my wall."

To which my reaction was:

a) Like I give a shit
b) It's my fault you have no clue about home decore?
c) Yes, but you're sporty and sporty people have an unnatural fascination with flags

Answer: I was thinking a) and b) but I said c)

She then spent about ten minutes telling me how she herself owns a US flag (see? two flags now! I wasn't kidding about sporty people having a flag fetish) but can't bring it to school since it has inappropriate messages written on it...from when she was a camp counsellor in the US. THEN she proceeds to tell me that she had no idea it was illegal to write on flags, and then to exclaim yet AGAIN that I don't own a flag which I can loan her.

People, you know the drill by now -

To which my reaction was:

a) Like I give a shit
b) It's my fault you are too cheap to go buy a freakin' flag?
c) Yes, but you're sporty and sporty people have an unnatural fascination with flags and I am NOT sporty and hence I own no flags
d) It's not my fault you have stupid camp counsellor friends who couldn't just decorate a t-shirt or pillow case like normal people do
e) to just stand there thinking, WHY ME?

Answer: I was thinking a) and b) and c) and d) but I did e) and then I saw a friend nearby and I pretended to wave to her, said, "Sorry, I'm just going to go see my friend" and I RAN THE HECK OUTTA THAT PLAYGROUND, fast as my American non-sporty fat Jewish ass could go.

....and yet today I find myself wondering if there are people in the world who own flags of the countries they are from, just because, you know, they can.


Anonymous said...

Darn. I've never bought a flag of my country.. Like ever. 14th August, independance day. I shall go out and buy it ! :D

Poppets mum said...

I'm relatively certain that my hubby doesn't own a US flag and he's only been out of the US of A for 4 years!!!! We do, however, own an Israeli flag which might have more to do with Yom Ha'atzmaut than the fact that we love Israel more than the US!!! We all however own hideous US t-shirts that my mother-in-law buys annually from Old Navy - does that count?

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

It's safe to say I own no flags of any kind...although for a while there I did have a souvenir flag from Puffing Billy! :)

...and the thing is, even if I WANTED a flag, I'd have no idea where to purchase one. I'd have to go and Google "flag buying" or something.