Rant

The cupcakes you see above were for a recent client. The order was for 2 dozen cupcakes, in vanilla, with a white chocolate ganache swirl in bright pink and turquoise blue. Just to give you a bit of background, the client called me no less than 15 times about these cupcakes - a couple calls to ask about pricing and placing the order, some to ask about the colours, order a stand and then cancel a stand, ask about payment, change the colours of the papers, change the icing flavour, and so on and so forth. Literally, this guy drove me crazy.

I noticed that every time he called, he'd have to 'check with the lady' about things and then called me back. Eventually I asked who 'the lady' was and found out that she is his girlfriend, she's "significantly" younger than he is, and she has a hard time making up her mind (his words, not mine.)

Over the weekend DH and I were away, so the business was in the capable hands of NN. The girl in question came to pick them up, seemed happy, and left. I came home to 6 messages on my voicemail from the man. Long story short, she hated the cupcakes and threw them away. She eventually made her own and served those. WHY? Because they were not exactly what she wanted. WHAT was wrong? On some of them the icing did not go exactly to the edge of the cupcake. You can SEE some cupcake around the edge. Apparently she left my kitchen, called him, and was in hysterics about how they were not what she wanted at all.

When I expressed shock and dismay at this, he told me that she wanted what she saw on the website. Newsflash, sweetcheeks, some of the cupcakes on the website go to the edge, some don't. There is, oh, maybe a quarter inch of cake showing - which he argued with and told me it was rather more than that. *hands man a ruler* He then tells me that if he went to McDonald's he would expect to receive exactly what he had seen on the menu, not some "sloppy mess" imitation of the item.

Ahem.

Yes.

It took a superhuman effort not to go completely postal on his ass.

I don't think the cupcakes above are a sloppy mess. I do think that one in the middle isn't exactly perfect, but that's it. I think they look great, and tasted great too. If what you wanted was exactly to the edge, you needed to specify that. If what you wanted was some cookie-cutter, factory made piece of crap, DON'T come to me. STAY AWAY from me, in fact - because what I make is hand made - as in, by a person with hands . So, being HUMAN and all, there are going to be a few variations. I think it's time you and your little sugar baby girlfriend woke up to the fact that us humans live IN THE REAL WORLD.

The client went on to tell me that the girlfriend saved them "in a bag" to see what I would say about them. Well, fucker, here's what I have to say: your girlfriend is a nitwit, and I'm not sure who is the bigger idiot here. YOU, for being with someone so smart they aren't capable of ordering their own baked goods, or HER, for being with someone stupid enough to be pussy whipped by the likes of her.

I think he was expecting a refund. He got this post instead.