More Client Madness

I had a couple come in recently to organise a 30th birthday cupcake tower. They were nice people...but seriously hard work. Firstly, he is as camp as a row of tents (go and Google - Napoleon Perdis. He looked and sounded exactly like that.) Second, his wife doesn't seem to notice this about him although she made reference to his love of feathers and bling and detail-orientedness. Third, she walked in and told me that when they got married, they went to the cake person and florist "like six or more times to get it right." (There are ALARM BELLS ringing in my head at this point.) Fourth, they spent most of the time bickering, like so:

Him: I want lots of feathers and gold and bling bling bling. I want it big, I want it bold, I want it statement.
Her: But that would look terrible.
Him: But it's MY birthday and that's what I want.
Her: Fine, but I think it will look terrible. *pout*
Him: Okay, okay, we'll go with what you think.
Her: No, no, it's YOUR birthday, you should do what YOU want.
Him: Okay, then I want my feathers.
Her: Why do you always do feathers at our functions? Enough with the feathers already!
Him: I *like* feathers and it's my birthday.
Her: *pout* I still think it will look terrible.
Him: Okay then we'll do it your way. No feathers then, okay.
Her: No, no, you do it your way.
Him: Great. Feathers are back in.
Her: *pout* (and look annoyed) But...
Him: But what? You don't think it will look good?
Her: NO. No, I think it will look terrible. This is ridiculous, you have to have more of the gold and less of the feathers.
Him: But I like the feathers.
Her: Fine, have the feathers. But it will look terrible.

Me: Okay, so it's gold papers, chocolate cupcakes and then ganache swirl on top, and then on the top cake we're doing the gold leaf with the white ostrich feathers and the big gold birthday plaque, yes?

Him: Yes.
Her: *pout*
Him: Wait, okay, maybe we should go with the glitter she likes. Sweetheart, do you want me to go with the glitter? I know you like it.

(and so on. All I could think was, "Please, shoot me now. Stick a piping bag in my eye and call it a day.")

...and before any of you say, "Michelle, you should write a book about your crazy clients," let me tell you that I AM writing about it. It's called a blog. :)