Gotta Do What You Gotta Do

In previous posts I've talked about how I think most parent's worst enemy is... other parents. We all spend wwaaayyy too much time talking smack about one another and not being supportive. I often say that every family needs to make decisions which work for their family, and their family alone. Recently, though, there has been an incident at school which requires me to blog about this one mother. She drives me mental - and seeing as how she doesn't read this blog I feel I can vent.

Actually, to be fair, I think my vent isn't so much about her as it is about parents who let their kids call all the shots. There are times when I let my kids have a say, when I let them get their way, when I defer to them on stuff. However those times are the times *I* choose. I PICK when I think it's okay to let 8 year olds rule the roost. What I don't do is let them have free rein, make decisions about important stuff, and involve them in high-level decisions which they have no need to be involved in.

When it comes down to it, DH AND I are the adults here... for a very good reason. We've earned the right to be in charge. Part of being a kid, surely, is NOT having to make too many important decisions - getting taken care of is one of the great pleasures of childhood. This parent doesn't operate that way. And, to be fair, if she let her kids rule the roost and was HAPPY with that choice, I don't think I'd be whining about her. It's more that she puts her kids in charge, and then complains endlessly that they either make the wrong choices, or complains that they are in charge in the first place. HELLO LADY, you are the one that put them there.

So since you're all dying to know, the situation is this. Our kids all go to a small school. There are 14 kids in their class, of which 5 are girls. For next year, one girl is leaving (because her mother is whacko too, but that's another story.) One girl returned to the country she is from, leaving my two DD's and child of the Mother I'm complaining about.

Annoying mother is worried about the ratio of males to females. I understand that, but in a school as small as theirs - the kids of all ages hang out together anyway. So her worry about the ratio has sent her scurrying to find a new school for her daughters. My main beef with this is that both girls are very happy, this family has a historical/emotional/social connection with the history of this school, and the children themselves could care less about ratios.

Now supposedly there is also an element of financial hardship. THIS, I totally and completely understand. However, the school also offers financial aid, has been very generous with other families, and basically will bend over backwards to keep people in the school. So, theoretically anyway, they could get some help there if that was the main concern.

Today I heard that the mother has approached the school for financial help - and has said that if she gets it, she'll keep her kids there. Lovely. Wonderful. Except she has already taken her girls to look at 2 other schools, has told them they might, maybe, possibly are moving schools.. and basically caused a whole bunch of uncertainty not only for her kids but other kids at the school as well. It's a small place. People talk. This mother seems unable to work out a) what her issue with the school is, or even if there is one, and b) who is going to make the decision to move schools or not.

In the interim I've had a couple of phone calls from people wondering how I feel about this, because the loss of this family means my daughters will be the only two girls left in the class. Truth be told, I DID wonder how my kids felt about it. But, I had no intention of changing my decision to keep them there. I picked the school for it's atmosphere, it's academics, it's values, it's ability to nurture and teach and guide my kids. I didn't pick it because there were X number of boys and Y number of girls.

So I asked the DD's how they felt about being the only girls in their Third Grade class. Both of them (separately) said THEY COULD CARE LESS. Sure, as two of a trio they have the advantage of always having one another. But, as children of mine, they have the advantage of knowing there are a lot more important things in life than how many girls are in your class. And, as children of mine, they know that ultimately the decision is mine to make - not theirs. Sure, if they were totally miserable I'd consider moving them. But they're not, so I won't. To me it seems simple, but I'm willing to accept that there are parts of this story I may not know. This family may have a whole bunch of other issues which they choose not to share - and so thus far I'm sticking to my mantra that parents need to make decisions which they feel are best suited to their families.

So here's my question. How much, if any, say do your kids have? I know for some of you, your kids are too young to have much say... but, even so, how much do the kids control the daily life of the household? Enquiring minds want to know.

UPDATE: Apparently now the woman's children are staying at the school. She can't for the life of her figure out why one of them is now acting up... hmmm...