I'm trying to keep my business, my triplets, and my waistline under control. I excel at one of those, fail at another one of those, and one is a work in progress. Which is which is day dependant.

Saturday, August 5, 2006

Who Needs Sleep?

There is a great song by the BareNaked Ladies called "Who Needs Sleep" about having insomnia. The chorus goes like this:

Who needs sleep?
Well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
Tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep?
Be happy with what you get
there’s a guy that’s been awake since the second world war
This song was clearly written for someone who does not know the bone exhaustion which comes from having ankle biters in their world. Sleep, as it happens, is not something I or DH have a problem with. I can fall asleep mid-sentence, while DH can fall asleep while reading the paper (and wakes only when he hears the THUD of his head on newsprint). However, children DO have a problem with it. As in, they don't like to do it all that much. When do kids out grow this? They only like the whole sleep concept for, oh, maybe a month after they are born. You know, this is your BED and shortly after the sun goes down you get your ass INTO it, and then you close your little EYES and then you SLEEP. This is not a hard concept to get, is it? After that blissful one month, humans have the curious evolutionary habit of forgetting how to sleep. Instead you get this:

Ages 1 month-3 years: I am going to scream and cry and flail and sometimes puke and turn red and make you feel like the most shit parent in the known universe for putting me into the fiery pit of hell which is my bed.

Ages 4-6: I'm going to act like I want to go to bed, but all I really want to do is practice sprinting from my room to wherever you are, just so I can annoy you with request for water, conversation, television, anything at all to avoid the fiery pit of hell which is my bed. But I want to go to sleep. Really I do, I swear, I won't come out anymore, not even once, I'm going to bed right now, I want to go to bed!!! I wanna go to BBBBBEEEEDDDD!!! But I'm not tired yet, Mummy. Really I'm not. I'm crabby and irritable and annoying you and annoying myself but I'm not tired yet. Okay, okay, I'll go to bed now. You don't have to SHOUT, Mummy. You are SO rude sometimes. All I wanted was to tell you something.

Ages 7-15: (The confusion years) I will come up with every excuse in the world to buy myself just five more minutes of time spent awake, even if all I'm doing in those five minutes is coming up with ways to get another five minutes tricked out of you. The next morning, I will of course have the same reasons for needing just five more minutes of time asleep. It's a crazy cruel world when you don't want to leave the fiery pit of hell for the fiery pit of hell which is school.

Ages 16+: Actually, at this point, you're in charge of your own destiny, kid. Sleep or not, I don't care, as long as your butt is not still there when you are 36.

So I ask again:
Who needs sleep?

1 comment:

Jen3 @ Amazing Trips said...

Oh ... I need sleep. I need it desperately. It's horrifying, really ... to see this post. Our kids are pretty good sleepers right now - and I think I'd be jumping off the nearest bridge if they "evolve" in to the torture experts you describe. God help me - I hope this doesn't happen, here!!!

Thanks for the comment on my blog, today. You had me ROFLMAO - I too would LOVE to see the anon commenter handle 1 hour at my house ... ESPECIALLY between the hours of 4-6PM with our demonic terrorists!!! LOL!!! Only a fellow triplet mother can fully appreciate just how excruciating that time is!